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February 25, 2008
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME NEWS OF THE DAY: (SPOILER AHEAD)
Ralph Nader is running again?!?!?!? In the immortal words of John McEnroe: You cannot be serious!!! Does he have Aperger's? Does he have a death wish? Is he on McCain's payroll? One can only assume he'll get no traction and fade away as an electoral irrelevancy, but what is this guy thinking? Is he thinking "Hmm. There are still 17 people out there who remember me as a great consumer activist and agent of the public good. Let me erase that sordid legacy and make sure I am only remembered as a preeningly narcissistic, dangerously oblivious spoiler." His tone-deaf absolutism is actually rather fascinating. He seems genuinley incapable of perceiving (much less acknowledging) any meaningful difference between the visions that Obama and McCain are offering for America. Since in his estimation both are in the thrall of the corporate oligarchy, all differences between them are dismissed as superficial.
On a more pragmatic note: Where does he think he is going to get his support from? Obama enjoys huge popularity among the young idealists he thought he was appealing to the last couple of times around. And McCain has captured the affections of his other small constituency: Disgruntled elderly independents. (aka cantankerous grandpas).
Also, almost all of his ideas have already been championed and rejected in the course of this prolonged Democratic campaign. Kucinich advocated the same kind of single payer health care as Nader; Edwards the same brand of anti-corporate popularism. Hence, the idea that the electorate has been clamoring for this third anti-establishmentarian option is preposterous and transparently self-serving. Nader's ideas have already been presented and dismissed. So maybe he is more than simply a tone-deaf secular messiah. Maybe he is just a raving ego-maniac.
(Note: There is a weird similarity among Nader, Chomsky and Bobby Fisher to be explored at some point: All brilliant strangely affectless contextually tone-deaf difference-denying secular absolutists laboring under the tyranny of a highly questionable big idea. Although, in truth, Fischer labors no more. And may have just been plain old crazy. )
LFAQs of THE DAY:
What is more likely: The Knicks make it into the playoffs or Nader makes it onto the ballot?
Are there more black people at the average Magnetic Fields concert or white people at the average Nation of Islam benefit?
Would the normalization of U.S.-Cuban relations enhance or diminish the counter-cultural value of the unsanctioned trip I made there in 2000? Would that adventure assume more cachet for now being forever unrepeatable or less cachet for having drifted into the realm of historical irrelevance?
What‘s with Dallas/Ft Worth and president-related deaths? In the same day, Hillary's driver and guard was killed in a traffic accident while driving to pick her up and a story came out about guards ceasing to conduct weapons checks at an Obama rally an hour before he took the stage. Upon reading further, I learned that this was a common procedure at that venue. That they only check people in the front seating area. But hello Dallas/Ft/ Worth!! How far was the Texas Book Depository from Dealy Plaza? I guess they were just trying to honor Obama's Kennedy-esque stature in a uniquely down home Texan kind of a way.
How is it possible that the democratic candidate with the best track record and the best looking wife is routinely dismissed and ridiculed? Isn't this some violation of the laws of nature? I mean he's got the most consistent, morally unindictable record not only with respect to the war but with respect to the environment, health care, tax cuts for the rich etc. He is the exemplary progressive democrat. I used to just attribute the lack of respect he got to the fact that he was funny looking and short. OK. Fine. I would say to myself. Our society is incredibly and unapologeticaly superficial. Fine. But he's got the hottest wife too!!! By far!! So that argument goes out the window. In a superficial, primate society, doesn't having the most gorgeous wife trump being funny looking and short?!?!? Don't you say: "Damn!! Good for Dennis! Dennis may be annoyingly right on the issues and short and funny looking and have big ears...but DAMN...he must have something going on!!" What happened to primate logic? To simian heirarchy? To status by association? Jeeez. Ok, he's not rich enough. I forgot. Half joking aside: I am really stunned by the way people went teary eyed with gratitude at Edwards' graceful bow-out and praised him for having pushed the democratic debate towards the left. But when Dennis dropped out, there were no words of gratitude or praise...just the occasional snicker. Like "Who WAS that weird little guy. And who the hell invited him to the party?? And where the hell did he rent that amazingly hot "wife"???
Has anyone commented on the curious effeminacy of Owen Wilson's suicide attempt?
Have I apologized yet for my shameless self-promotion in my last posting? (I erased it from the electronic historical record in a paroxysm of self-recrimination.)
How many people saw the movie Half Nelson—a moving story about a coke and crack addicted white teacher in an inner city black school—and had the primary takeaway: “Damn. I wonder where I could score some coke!” (And just for the record: Although I was NOT one of them.)
Also wonder how many people left “Dancer in the Dark” thinking first and foremeost: “Damn…"My Favorite Things” is a really beautiful song.”
For how many people is September 11th primarily associated with something other than the WTC attacks? Like, say, a birthday. Or the American –aided overthrow of the democratically elected government of Allende by the Pinochet led military (9/11/1973). Or the discovery of a particularly nice new restaurant.
Who has a better shot at being shot: Obama or Nader?
How does one, with a single mis-step, end up on the far side of everything?
SNL COMMENT OF THE DAY:
It was good to have the gang back on TV last night. I have to admit, contrarian that I am, I took some real pleasure in their transparently pro-Hillary opening skit--in which her lucid and intelligent responses during a debate were dismissed by panelists (Anderson Cooper etc.) who were too busy offering quiveringly admiring Valentines to Obama. I thought it was pretty cool to see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler stand up for their girl. It does seem that there is a slight and unfortunate "blacks are cool, women aren't" vibe to the current campaign and it was nice to see some of the Cult of Obama exposed. That said: Teddy Vegas is still on the O train (man has it become chic and crowded! in here!!) even if he's giving his fellow passengers grief along the way.
Actually maybe the unfortunate current in the campaign is: "Half black is cool, half woman isn't."
Anyhow, Huckabee's cameo appearance was also pretty funny. He did well for himself...showing a refreshing comedic ease and ability to laugh at himself. He seems like a really likeable guy...aside from the messianic loony tunes stuff.
MUSICAL NOTE OF THE DAY:
Saw The Magnetic Fields in concert at Town Hall. Simply gorgeous stuff. Stephen Merrit is perhaps the most winning beautiful loser of them all. At times I wish they'd stop with the arch and clever lyrics (and between song patter) but I came to accept that it was simply expressive of their unease with the raw, heartbroken emotional truth of so many of their songs. It was the small price to pay for the experience of that beauty. Highlights were the irresistibly catchy and dark "Yeah Yeah Yeah" from "69 Love Songs" and the unforgettably gorgeous declaration of love "It's Only Time" from Stephen Merritt's solo album "i."
If you can sing the former song to another human being in earnest then you have most definitely been in the wrong relationship. If you can sing the latter song to another human being with a fullness of heart, then you have found your soul mate for life.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Hallmark/Westland Meat Packing company which had issued the largest recall in U.S. history, announced that they would probably not reopen.
"I don't see any way we could reopen," Magidow (the C.E.O.) was quoted as saying in a phone interview. "If the USDA wants payment back, we're dead meat. We're done."
I thought "dead meat" was a pretty choice choice of words.
NON POLITICAL ARGGG MOMENT OF THE DAY:
The unique rage-inducing effect of tripping on oversized galoshes while climbing the stairs and spilling hot coffee all over your hand and sleeve.
QUESTIONABLE MOVE OF THE DAY:
Lecturing my accountant on the meaninglessness of money and material acquisition. Then afterwards thinking: Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
CAREER UPDATE:
I've been moonlighting a bit as a quipping usurist. I keep trying to get people hooked on my services by offering free quips and small, interest-free loans. I'm peddling those puppies the way a pusher offers free samples of crack. All the while plying the tagline "Remember: Quipping is only half my job description. The other half is lending money at exorbitant rates!"
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
It's a sign of extreme alienation when you are envious of yourself.
DANGLING DESCRIPTOR OF THE DAY:
It smells like a sandwich.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
People should spend less time focusing on their net worth and more time focusing on their net worthlessness.
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY: (A propos of the E-trade ads with the little baby buying stock online.)
Everyone loves a talking baby. Except, of course, a pedophile.
REFLECTION OF THE DAY:
As I try to assess why the feng shui of my new office is so terrible, it strikes me that it is designed to thwart all the things I like to do. Like hide, blog, read, nap etc.
JOB I SHOULD HAVE OF THE DAY:
I turn on Charlie Rose and see him interviewing a nice looking guy with a British (or is it Australian?) accent. The identifying graphic comes up. "Chris Anderson, Curator of Ted." The bastard has usurped my job! I am the curator of Ted!!! I am the Tsar of Teddydom!!!
Curator of Ted!!! Damn, that may well have displaced The Quipping Usurist as the new job title to which I aspire.
CURIOUS PHENOMENON OF THE DAY:
There is a lovely young woman where I work who announced about a year ago that she was leaving for a new job. I sent her a nice note and had a nice talk with her about her new adventure and gave her a heartfelt (or so it felt) hug goodbye. The next day, it was announced that the company had made her a last minute counter offer and she was staying. In any event, I bring this up because yesterday, after nearly a year's interval, I got another note that she was leaving for a new job. I went by her desk to congratulate her only to realize that I hadn't once spoken to her in the year since her previously announced departure. Strange the way absence calls us to presence.
DESCRIBED EPIPHANY OF THE DAY:
The magic writing pad (You know the old pads where you write, then lift to erase) of Manhattan had been erased for him too many times. Each street had so many faded layers of meaning and association; the perils of too many past lives and romances coming into being and dying out within the same basic geography. A change of venue might do him good.
PHRASE OF THE DAY: (Beside "Curator of Ted)
Yesterday, in a meeting with my financial advisor, (yes, i finally got one!), I signed something that says “There is no guarantee of future performance and there is always the possibility of complete loss.”
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February 17, 2008
Teddy Vegas Interactive Feature of the day:
Speculate on how my finger got so hideously dislocated. And no: It was not an ill-timed sneeze during a surreptitious nose pick.
BTW: Isn't the bone structure of the human hand incredible? And vividly suggestive of avian life?
BTW#2: This happened a few weeks ago and I am ok so there is no need for concern...mom. :)
ANALOGY OF THE DAY:/COINCIDENCE OF THE DAY/FINGER ON THE PULSE OF THE ZEITGEIST OF THE DAY:
Attempting to trace all the bad loans that have been bundled into elaborately securitized forms is like trying to figure out which hamburgers contain traces of meat from a particular cattle ranch where a case of mad cow disease was discovered. Needles in the scrambled haystacks. Curiously, no sooner did I use the chopped chuck metaphor to explain the subprime credit crisis to someone than I read that they've just announced the biggest beef recall in U.S. history today. (In terms of systematic greed, neglect and pervasive consequence, I think the analogy can be taken even further.)
OUTRAGE OF THE DAY: RANT OF THE DAY: FROTH INDUCING REVELATION OF THE DAY:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080217/pl_afp/usattackscia
CIA set up 12 bogus companies mostly in Europe after 9/11: report
WASHINGTON (AFP) - Following the September 11, 2001, attacks, the US Central Intelligence Agency set up 12 bogus companies in Europe and other parts of the world in the hope of penetrating Islamic organizations, The Los Angeles Times reported on its website late Saturday. But citing current and former CIA officials, the newspaper said the agency had now shut down all but two of them after concluding they were ill-conceived.
---
If one wanted a single symptom of the cluelessness and stupidity of our war against terror, this would be it. An idiocy perpetrated under the name of intelligence that would be hysterically funny if it were not so infuriatingly emblematic. No, I don't speak of our decision to attack a country that had no relationship to the people who attacked us and thus to create a whole new generation of people who want to emulate the original and inciting act. I speak instead of a strategic initiative that makes the aforementioned seem brilliant in its conception and laser-like in its precision. I speak of the CIA's attempt to penetrate al qaeda networks by setting up bogus consulting companies in selected European cities. The companies were located nowhere near any known Islamic extremist enclaves and were, by all accounts staffed by agents who didn't even speak any Arabic. As the above hyperlinked article reports with brilliant understatement:
"In addition, because businessmen don't usually come into contact with Al-Qaeda operatives, the cover didn't work, The Times said.
Officials say the CIA's efforts to use corporate disguises have yet to produce a significant penetration of terrorist or weapons proliferation networks, the paper pointed out."
It's literally like a Monty Python skit--except without the comedy. Indeed, the initiative would have had more chances of success if they had been posing as members of a rabbinical congress or male erotic dancers. But of course it's much more fun to play "spy" in Hugo Boss suits than to do so while wearing peus or a g-string. It is so hatefully preposterous the jaw muscle goes slack with incomprehension. I don't want to know what espionage Einsteins proposed this idea (for they were probably just doing it as an April Fools prank to see if they could con someone into a European boondoggle). I want to know which espionage Einstein said "Yeah, that sounds like a brilliant idea" and approved it!!!!!!
They might as well have been fishing for marlin in Iowa.
The arrogance, incompetence, the idiocy the...
froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth froth
Ok, now that i've filled and emptied 3 cups of froth, let me continue.
It's terrifying to think that these are the people we're relying on to protect us. But more that that: It's just so embarrassing!!!!
In some ways it's worse that Abu Graib and Guantanamo Bay and the wire tapping and the presidential signing statements and all that. Because with those things you can at least convince yourself that the people hired to protect us are corrupt and immoral and contemptible but at least they're competent. But this just reeks of fecklessness and cartoonish stupidity. It inspires so little confidence and it supports my long held suspicion that the reason there hasn't been a follow up attack on our soils has nothing to do with our homeland security efforts (almost all of which have been revealed to be buffoonish at best), and everything to do with the difficulty our enemies have had in finding a second act that lives up to the incredibly high standard of spectacular devastation set by the 9/11 attacks.
Anyhow, I hope our CIA boys had fun running around playing business man and playing spy in their designer suits--while attempting to infiltrate al qaeda on the golf courses of Europe. I'm glad our tax dollars let them have a little fun and that in addition to supporting our troops we've also been supporting our snoops.
BUMPER STICKER IDEA OF THE DAY:
"Support Our Snoops." Give to the CIA Make-W-Wish fund.
NOTES FROM THE JOURNAL OF MOURNING:
Old voice messages stumbled upon. The voices of the dead. Still quick with life. Evoking a living present and an implied future. Blowing a hole through my heart each time they play.
And yet and yet...how can one erase them?
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February 16, 2008
CLARIFICATION OF TITLE:
*My other blog is called Random Acts of Commentary at www.teddyvegas.blogspot.com. Warning. It includes material that might be offensive and inappropriate for the sports-averse among you. But that material can be readily skipped over. In any event, I tend to post there more frequently and then skim off the sports stuff and copy and paste the rest of the material here.
IMAGE OF THE DAY:
See above.
POLITICS:
Wow. Must've been onto something with my prediction in the last post. Lots and lots of people are getting on the O train. The prediction markets have Obama as 70% likely to win--a fact that has suddenly been deemed newsworthy by the mainstream press. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080211/pl_nm/usa_politics_predictions_dc). Gonna be interesting seeing Hillary trying to rebrand herself as Seabiscuit after having been running as War Admiral. And staying with the horse-racing theme: One is tempted to say Obama might be running away with this thing, but one mustn't underestimate both the media's and the general electorate's desire for a photo finish.
(BTW: I think that's the first time I used the contraction "mustn't" in my life. My grandfather used to say it...and it brings back fond memories of an earlier and less complicated time in the world in particular and the life of Teddy Vegas in general.) :)
P.S. Thanks to R. for the photo-finish metaphor. You know who you R.
MEDIA OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
News headline: Microsoft terms Yahoo’s refusal “Unfortunate.” Doesn’t that sound like the words of a rejected suitor/stalker who now has been given no choice but to rape? "Well, I courted her with my charmlessness and my big wad of cash and well, it's just unfortunate that she left me no option but to take her by force."
FACTOID OF THE DAY:
A woman is severely assaulted by her husband/boyfriend every 15 second in this country; A man is severely assaulted by his wife/girlfriend every 14.6 seconds.
LFAQs of the DAY:
My question: How often is it the same couple?
Can you simultaneously raise one nostril and the opposite eyebrow?
Which aging Arizonan is more tired: McCain schlepping along the election trail or Shaq after his first workout with the Suns?
SCREENPLAY CONCEPT OF THE DAY:
A compassionate very successful person employing a delusionally narcissistic loser friend as his “life coach.”
DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY:
He was a good sport-- acting like he was falling for the older man's pranks in order to let him feel like the uncle he always wanted to be.
DUET NAME OF THE DAY:
Two standard deviations.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY: (With thanks to M.)
If there is one thing one could say about him it's that he'd never voluntarily massage the intercostal muscles of an unattractive woman.
--
PHILOSOPHICAL/ADVERTISING REFLECTION OF THE DAY:
Was looking at that Jerry Orbach organ donor ad in the subway which talks about how perhaps the greatest role in this great thespian’s life was as an eye donor. And I started thinking about how uniquely and disorientingly weird it would be to meet someone who had been given your deceased loved one’s eyes. More disorienting even than having been given say your deceased loved one’s nose or pancreas or foot. Why? Because donated eyes are at the center of a perfect storm of metaphysical identity problematics. You have embedded within this single instance of posthmumous giving not only the problem of body versus soul (which would be general to any organ donation) or the issue of part versus whole (how does this single body part preserve the donor’s identity after it’s been recontextualized by the donee’s whole physical being?), but also the unique issues associated with the priviledged status of the eyes as the putative windows to the soul. In any event, the eye donation, thus philosophically triangulated, would, I imagine, make it a triply unsettling experience for the Orbach children if they were to meet the individual sporting their father’s generously bequeathed orbs.
NEW CAREER GOAL:
Usurist.
NEW CAREER IDENTITY:/MARKET NICHE:
The quipping usurist.
PROFESSIONAL MOTTO:
Remember quipping is only ½ my job description. The other half is lending money at exorbitant rates.
SUMMARY OF A FRIENDSHIP OF THE DAY:
Wow, that’s so exciting about you winning the lottery. I’m just so happy for you. In fact I feel like we’ve fused into one soul and I’m so happy it’s as if I feel that you are me. And I’m about to be very very disappointed that you are not.
POLITICAL OBSERVATION:
General observation: Been struck by how, after many months of not being sure whom they supported and feeling generally positive about the batch of candidates the Democrats were putting forward, so many Democrats suddenly have a strong preference for one of the two remaining candidates and a strong aversion to the other. I wonder if what is at work is the all too human desire to associate the valorization of one thing with the denigration of the other. People want to feel that the choice has all the moral clarity of a battle between Good and Evil (whether it's Mets versus Yankees, Hillary versus Obama, Hutus versus Tutsis etc.) and that they are, of course, on the side of pure, uncomplicated Good. It's just so much more cathartic for people to feel that kind of clarity and righteousness.
On the other hand, the imperitives of journa-blogga-listic probity and objectivity (not to mention Paul Krugman's Op-Ed in the NYT today) compel me to acknowledge that there seems to by an asymmetry in the frequency and distribution of this valorization-villification phenomenon. Which is to say (far from elegantly!) that while I support Obama, I do feel that there is much more bitterness being directed by his followers towards Hillary than by Hillary's followers towards Obama, Whether this is a reflection on the kind of people (passionate idealists etc.) who are drawn to Obama, something inherent in the dynamics of a change versus status quo campaign or, indeed, a true reflection of Hillary's objectively greater unlikability is an interesting and open question, I suppose.
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ORATORICAL EXCERPT OF THE DAY:
Obama's speech may as well have said:
It began as a whisper on the steps of the illinois senate....and it has been getting louder...and louder...all across this great land of ours... from the cornfields of Iowa to the French Quarter in New Orleans...from the rocky mountains to the schoolrooms of New England...and what it is saying is clear and undeniable...it is saying that hope is stronger than fear.. that the forces that unite us are stronger than those that divide us...and, most important of all, that misogyny is stronger than racism!!!
SLIGHTLY MODIFIED POLITICAL STORY OF THE DAY:
"Trying to overcome a string of losses and a staff shake-up, Hillary Rodham Clinton sought new energy Tuesday night from a boisterous crowd of about 12,000 in a state she hopes will provide a rebound in her quest for the Democratic presidential nomination..."
Well, actually, from a good cry and a pint of chubby hubby.
SCIENCE NEWS STORY OF THE DAY:
Just read on Yahoo that cholesterol reducing drugs may be linked to memory loss. Which may explain why I keep forgetting to take my Lipitor.
LFAQs of THE DAY:
Have you ever refered to your mother as "Holy, mother of God."
Will Hillary's firing or demoting the high ranking Latina aide jeopardize her anti-Obama Latino firewall? Or has the rfirewall already been burnt down to the ground?
Will the Republicans offer up Condaleeza Rice as McCain's VP as a way of playing the race card?
Should the "Congressional Steroids Hearings” be elegible for an EMMY for providing the most compelling comedy programming during the writer’s strike?
--
METAPHOR OF THE DAY:
It's a case of the tail wagging the dog. Only there's no dog.
LFAQs of THE DAY:
Are cold callers also cold answerers? That is to say: are people who professionally call people they don't know also more likely to pick up when they see a number they don't recognize?
Has anyone on death row ever requested steamed broccoli and tofu for his last meal? How about celery?
Isn't this Valentine's Day campus massacre compelling enough reason to decalare an end to this commercial charade of a holiday?
What is a more egregious violation of democratic principles: Some combination of the Supreme court and the Electoral College allowing Bush to win the 2000 election despite having lost the popular vote or Hillary Clinton ending up winning the nomination from the opponent who won more states and received more votes than she-- through cynical back channel negotiations for superdelegates and shameless efforts to retroactively claim delegates who were not in play at the time of her non contested "victories" in the Michigan and Florida primaries?
CARTOON WITHOUT ILLUSTRATION OF THE DAY:
-I hate Spring.
-Me too!
-Yeah, but you only hate spring cause you're a dark-hearted, life-hating person whereas I hate spring for purely spiritual reasons.
REALITY-INSPIRED ONION-ESQUE (SHALLOT-LIKE) STORY OF THE DAY:
Troops to Bush, U.S.O: Please stop sending us Robin Williams!
Evidently what's eroding the morale of our troops in Iraq is neither the constant attacks from relentless insurgents nor the bleak outlook for peace and progress. It's the repeated unwelcomed visits by Robin Williams.
"Hearing that hack material over and over...it really saps your spirit and morale." claims private first class Ryan Anderson. "It's like having a molotov cocktail of manic need and bottled schtick blow up in your face."
"Frankly, it's the need for approval that is just so tiring," explains Private John Kollmer . "It's worse than battle fatigue."
Sarah Wills, on her third tour of duty agrees. "Is this is all they can send us? I mean it sure doesn't make us feel like we're being valued for our efforts. If this is supporting our troops, well, please stop supporting us."
CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
I can't watch "Lost" because it reminds me too acutely of a painfully lost relationship.
NEWS COMMENT OF THE DAY: (On the Valentine's Day Campus Massacre)
"Steve was the most gentle, quiet guy in the world."
Yes, it's always the quiet ones. Which means that happily, as I believe I've noted before, no one has to worry about me.
BILL MAHER HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY:
Best line of the night. "Hillary cries opportunistically. Right before the primaries. When she's behind. She cries like Bush issues terror alerts."
BILL MAHER LOWLIGHT OF THE DAY:
It always hurts when you see a model of skeptical rationality wax nutsy cooko. Bill Maher staggered the ideologically varied guest panel by going off on a rant about how all medicine is poison and if you live right and take care of yourself you'll never need medicine and people who get sick from people sneezing on them only get sick because they're not taking proper care of themselves. Ande if you do take care of yourself you should ne impregnable against all pathogens and you should never ever need antibiotics etc. etc. etc. In short, he was as dismissably nutty on the issue as Mos Def was on conspiracies and Tom Cruise is on post-partum depression and the unique helpfulness of scientologists.
He was as crazy on this issue as he claims religious people to be about religion.
It's Just so sad and makes you feel so alone when you see one of the few people you take to be some kind of a kindred soul or mind mate strip you of that illusion by revealing his inner loony tune--leaving you alone once more in the fortress of your august and invoilable sanity.
SEXISM VERSUS RACISM QUOTE OF THE DAY:
I've commented in previous posts on the roles of misogyny and racism in the current Democratic race and even glibly and tendentiously suggested that the Obama-Hillary choice could be reduced to the question of whom Americans disliked less: Women or African-Americans. Anyhow, I saw the following interesting and apposite comment on some blog somewhere and I figured I'd copy and paste it (BTW: Note to the pretentiousness-challenged: Apposite is an ostentatious way of saying relevant or a propos. And ostentatious is a showy way of saying showy.)
"When a sexist idiot screamed "Iron my shirt!" at Hillary Clinton, it was considered amusing; If a racist idiot shouted "Shine my shoes!" at Barak Obama, it would've inspired hours of airtime and pages of newsprint analyzing our national dishonor."
POETIC FRAGMENT OF THE DAY:
Day of Decision:
The sky looms over itself
as the sun comes down like a guillotine.
CLAIMS (OK, TRUTHS) OF THE DAY:
There are those who understand we're all going to die and that things are lost irrevocably in the stream of time and there are those who don't.
Dunkin Donuts coffee is far superior to Starbucks'. Au Bon Pain's Coffee is far superior to Starbucks'. The street vendor's coffee is at least as good as Starbucks' burnt, bitter swill.
Starbucks: The greatest hoax ever perpetrated on man.
Except for that Verona roast. Mmm. Yummy.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
He liked to read, think, express and be.
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February 12, 2008
TITLE CLARIFICATION OF THE DAY:
My other blog--Random Acts of Commentary at www.teddyvegas.blogspot.com--contains most of the same material as this one but also a lot of sports-related stuff than many of this blog's readers may have no interest in. But I do tend to post to that blog a bit more frequently.
MEDIA CRITIQUE OF A FEW DAYS AGO:
I notice that the NYT phrased the headline "Clinton duels Obama, Takes California..." instead of the more neutral and objective "Clinton-Obama in close Nation-wide Duel" or even "Obama-Clinton Duel to a near draw..." ---thus defining her as the protagonist and aggressor instead of merely one of the two competitors and reflecting the paper's bias in her favor.
I also notice how the times decided to revert to the tactic of demoting the sports section to the back of the Metro Section--as it had done in the weeks and months after 9/11. I suppose with the proximity of Superbowl Sunday and Super Tuesday and the ever greater proliferation of sports metaphors in the analysis of this political contest, this was an attempt to restore the rhetorically blurred boundary between the two realms and re-establish the priority of reader-citizen over reader-fan.
IRONY OF THE DAY:
Never has a political race made more appeals to "unifying the country" and "getting away from the politics of divisiveness" and never has the electorate been more clearly divided along racial, gender. ethnic and class lines.
TORMENT OF THE DAY:
Having my pupils dilated in the opthamologist's waiting room. Like suddenly losing your internet connection. A particular sub-circle of ADD hell.
UNFORTUNATE POLITICAL PHENOMENON OF THE DAY:
Sort of bummed that supporting Obama has become so trendy and fashionable. He is starting to become the "Beautiful People" candidate. All the celebrities and rich democrats seem to be sponsoring cool fundraisers for his campaign. Contrarian than I am, it sort of makes me feel more sympathetic towards Hillary. But fear not: If she were to take the lead in the polls again, I'd be singing Barack's praises.
For better or for worse, it seems that Barack is the new black.
PREDICTION OF THE DAY A FEW DAYS AGO:
Obama wins the nomination.
Why? Simple anecdotal evidence elaborated into a little post-facto focus group. More specifically: A few different people I know (spanning the entire demographic gamut from well educated liberally inclined white males 35-50 to well educated liberally inclided white males 35-50) found themselves liking both candidates and struggling with the decision of whom to vote for in the NY Democratic Primary. And all of these people--totally independently--ultimately decided to board the O train. And none has experienced buyer's remorse.
More critically: All of them (including me) essentially ended up going with Obama for the same basic cluster of reasons: More electable versus McCain. more inspiring, a bigger potential upside, a better face to show to the world, a better story to tell ourselves as Americans, a welcomed change from dynastic politics, Etc.
While Hillary is a great candidate as well, I believe that, barring any huge unforeseen stumbles, this same decision-making process will be repeated in many hearts and minds across the nation over the next few weeks leading to an Obama-McCain Presidential race and, ultimately, an Obama presidency.
(Unless, of course, the Republicans pull an October surprise, someone shoots him, Hispanics and old people come out in unprecedented numbers or I'm just plain old wrong.)
MARKETPLACE SYMPTOM OF GLOBALIZATION:
Accent removal services--advertised on late night television.
MOTTO OF THE DAY: (On the duct tape website).
If duct tape isn’t the answer, then you’re asking the wrong question.
TROUBLING SYMPTOM OF THE DAY:
I have been so out of it that, in the course of the last 2 months, I bought pairs of tickets for the two shows I've been most psyched about (an Ethan Coen play at the Atlantic Theater Company and Harold Pinter's "The Homecoming.") and i got them for the same night! But wait, that's not the spaced out part. The spaced out part is that I didn't remember about either one of them--and only managed to salvage usage of one of the pairs of tickets at the last minute thanks to a fortuitous reminder from a friend.
SUMMARY OF A MARKETING SEMINAR AT GOOGLE AND A MEETING WITH THE PEOPLE FROM FACEBOOK:
People tend to be more interested in things they find interesting than in things they don't.
POLITICAL CHIASMUS OF A FEW DAYS AGO:
Where McCain has been trying to commit political suicide and has thrived, Guiliani tried his hardest to stay alive politically and ended up committing political suicide.
PROJECT IDEA OF THE DAY:
Put an overlay (or skin) of my childhood memories over the Google Map of the neighborhood where I grew up.
FACTOID OF THE DAY:
1 billion of the world’s 7 billion people are online today.
ADDENDUM TO FACTOID OF THE DAY:
At least 100 of those one billion people are visiting my blog!
REVISION TO ADDENDUM TO FACTOID OF THE DAY:
OK, maybe 50.
TWO QUICK THEATER NOTES:
Saw Pinter's "The Homecoming." Was struck by its perverse (or at least paradoxical) representation of feminine power. The married mother of three assumes control over the three male characters by becoming a prostitute.
--
Saw Martin McDonagh on Charlie Rose talking about his new movie "In Bruges." I've seen most of his plays and liked them. But I'm a bit tired of enfant terrible (essentially adolescent) attempts to tamper with tradition and subvert expectation. To shock and disturb in dramatically unconvincing ways. To stand in the Texas Book Depository of the mind and shoot clever bullets of dark twisted irony at the passing parade of life. I don't really like it when the desire to be different feels obstreperous. Gratuitous. The impish objective a bit too visible behind the texture of character and plot.
But I like it better than most of the other crap that's out there.
LFAQs:
Is Harold Pinter any more than his generation's Martin McDonagh?
Which anatomical part of Mitt Romney will be missed most?:
a) The fabulous cheekbones
b) The (presidential) wonderful, almost Edwards-esque hair.
c) The dark android eyes.
d) The supple, elastic almost non-existent spine.
Is Duct tape a brand of tape or a type of tape?
Has an NBA player ever air-balled two consecutive free throws?
Are people who grow up with a single, mentally challenged or psychologically disturbed sibling more likely to be "off" in their social interactions? (I have met a few people in my life who have led me to this hypothesis: people who stand too close to you or make "jokes" at the most inappropriate times and share the common biographical detail of having an autistic or schizophrenic or cognitively handicapped brother.).
TEDDY VEGAS INTERACTIVE FEATURE OF THE DAY:
Which of the following would be the best new name for this blog?
Day Residue.
The Vegas Book Depository
Paralyzed From the Neck Up.
The Unrepentant Generalist.
Jack of None.
POSTER ART IDEA OF THE DAY:
Designed to look like a reminder prompt from Microsoft Entourage:
Event: Your Life.
Accept Snooze Dismiss.
POLITIC COMMENT OF A FEW FEWER DAYS AGO:
Wow. Must've been onto something with my prediction in the last post. Lots and lots of people are getting on the O train. The prediction markets have Obama as 70% likely to win--a fact that has suddenly been deemed newsworthy by the mainstream press. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080211/pl_nm/usa_politics_predictions_dc). Gonna be interesting seeing Hillary trying to rebrand herself as Seabiscuit after having been running as War Admiral. And staying with the horse-racing theme: One is tempted to say Obama might be running away with this thing, but one mustn't underestimate both the media's and the general electorate's desire for a photo finish.
(BTW: I think that's the first time I used the contraction "mustn't" in my life. My grandfather used to say it...and it brings back fond memories of an earlier and less complicated time in the world in particular and the life of Teddy Vegas in general.) :)
P.S. Thanks to R. for the photo-finish metaphor. You know who you R.
MEDIA OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
News headline: Microsoft terms Yahoo’s refusal “Unfortunate.” Doesn’t that sound like the words of a rejected suitor/stalker who now has been given no choice but to rape? "Well, I courted her with my charmlessness and my big wad of cash and well, it's just unfortunate that she left me no option but to take her by force."
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
He seemed like he was multi-tasking even when you were receiving his full, undivided attention.
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February 06, 2008
JUSTIFICATION OF TITLE:
Stayed up way too late listening to the self important wonks on CNN analyze the election returns in between scripted reminders that they are "The best political team on TV." They are certainly "The most annoyingly self important political team on TV" and "The best branded team on TV" but, man, is Wolf Blitzer a tedious little turd. As a corrective to the hype and self-iimportance of their coverage, I kept switching over to the coverage on Channel 13 (PBS/WNET). But at 1 a.m.. their most welcomed absence of hype started to serve as a most unwelcomed soporific and so I had to go back to "The Most Hyped Political Team on TV." to keep awake.
PREDICTION ASSESSMENT OF THE DAY:
I guess my prediction that Obama would have a slight edge on Super Tuesday but that it would not be decisive turned out to be partially true. Or at least defensible. He won more states than Hillary although I believe he ended up with a few fewer delegates. I guess both candidates can claim victory. From an "electability" perspective, it did strike me that Obama's ability to carry states all over the country (the south, the midwest, the rocky mountain region and, thanks to Connecticut, New England) makes him somewhat more attractive as a candidate. Indeed, the states where Hillary won are by and large states that the Democrats always win anyhow regardless of who they're running.
A further bit of support for the claim that Obama had the slight edge last night is that he was at 40% likely to be the Democratic nominee on intrade.com 24 hours ago and he's at 50% right now.
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
Here was a revealing (if intentionally comedic) exchange with a friend from yesterday:.
-Did u vote?
-Yes. i voted for Obama
-Misogynist!
-Did u vote?
-Yes. For Hillary.
-Racist!
Given this reductive racial and gender perspective on the Democratic race, it seems like the ballot might as well have simple read: Select One:
-Misogynist
-Racist
While there are many voters for whom race and gender are truly secondary to issues an inspiration, let us allow this not entirely dismissible perspective to govern our interpretation of the following exit poll finding:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080205/ap_on_el_pr/campaign_exit_poll_glance
Feb. 5 exit poll highlights
By The Associated Press
Highlights from preliminary results of exit polling in the Super Tuesday primary states for The Associated Press and television networks:
RACE AND GENDER
In the Democratic races, Barack Obama led among black voters and Hillary Rodham Clinton led among Hispanic voters. (TRANSLATION: Black people like the idea of vorting for a black person but Hispanic voters don’t like the idea of voting for a black person.) Obama led among white men, while Clinton led among white women. (TRANSLATION: White men don’t like women). Overall, Obama led among men and Clinton led among women, although her advantage among women appeared smaller than was seen in early primary states. (TRANSLATION: Hell with the sisterhood! That Obama guy is good looking and charismatic!) In the Republican races, John McCain led among men. He had only a small lead over Romney among women. (TRANSLATION: Romney may be a shameless bullshitter, but he’s one handsome and rich shameless bullshitter! Mmm. Look at that bone structure. And that hair!! ).
MORE SERIOUS ANALYSIS:
I suspect that at the end of the day, the Obama-Hillary contest revolves less around race and gender than it does around the question of class. Hillary seems to have remarkable support among traditional blue collar union Democrats where Obama seems to be gathering most of the white votes from the upper income demographic. To win, he'll have to make inroads into the traditional blue collar Democrat base. And he'll also have to convince at least a hand full of hispanics/latinos to vote for him.
Maybe he should dance with the stars with Jennifer Lopez. Or record a duet with her.
MEDIA CRITIQUE:
I notice that the NYT phrased the headline "Clinton duels Obama, Takes California..." instead of the more neutral and objective "Clinton-Obama in close Nation-wide Duel" or even "Obama-Clinton Duel to a near draw..." Their chosen phrasing defines her as the protagonist and aggressor instead of merely one of the two competitors and reflects the paper's bias in her favor.
I also notice how the times decided to revert to the tactic of demoting the sports section to the back of the Metro Section--as it had done in the weeks and months after 9/11. I suppose with the proximity of Superbowl Sunday and Super Tuesday and the ever greater proliferation of sports metaphors in the analysis of this political contest, this was an attempt to restore the rhetorically blurred boundary between the two realms and re-establish the priority of citizen over fan.
IRONY OF THE DAY:
Never has a political race made more appeals to "unifying the country" and "getting away from the politics of divisiveness" and never has the electorate been more clearly divided along racial, gender. ethnic and class lines.
LFAQ of the DAY:
The Patriots were looking to Trademark (or is it copyright?) the "phrase": 19-0. Will the Giants now look to Trademark 18-1?
INDIGNITY OF THE DAY:
Have to run off now to a long deferred appointment wit my opthomologist who will no doubt utter the execrable words "cataract" and "bifocal" in relation to my person.
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February 05, 2008
LFAQs of the DAY::
With the the merger of politics and sports evident in the fused coverage of Superbowl Sunday and Super Tuesday, it is natural to wonder: Will we, at the Democratic Convention, see the winner of the nomination turn to the camera and declare as his or her first words as the party's offical candidate, "I'm going to Disney World!"?
Who, come to think of it, is most likely to enjoy going to Disney World: Obama, Hillary or McCain?
Assuming they all went to Disney World: Match each with the rides he or she is most likely to enjoy the most:
a. Frontiereland Shooting Arcade
b. Pirates of the Carribean
c. Hall of Presidents
d. Haunted Mansion
e. It's a Small World
f. Swiss Family Tree House
g. The Barnstormer at Goofy's Wiseacre Farm
h. Big Thunder Mountain
i. Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin
j. Carousel of Progress
k. Cinderella's Golden Carousel
l. Enchanted Tiki Room
m. Liberty Square Riverboat
n. Main Street Family Fun Day Parade
o. The Magic Carpets of Aladdin
p. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
q. Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor
r. Peter Pan's Flight
s. Pirates of the Caribbean
t. Pooh's Playful Spot
u. Space Mountain
v.Toontown Hall of Fame
w. Woody's Cowboy Camp
x. Hanoi Hilton's Bamboo Basement
(I'm thinking Obama would be loving "It's a Small World." Hillary would like "The Carousel of Progress." and "Cinderella's Golden Carousel" but be really ambivalent about "The Haunted Mansion" where she spent 8 years. McCain? He's all about "The Barnstormer at Goofy's Wiseacre Farm", "Frontiereland Shooting Arcade" and "Space Mountain.")
Will Hillary turn out to the the New England Patriots of the Democratic race--the season long frontrunner and overwhelming favorite who stumbles on the Super day and sees her dreams dashed?
Would it have been a political liability for any of the candidates to acknowledge rooting against a team called the Patriots?
Which is the most compelling rivalry: The Giants vs. The Pats, Hillary vs. Obama or Punxsutawney Phil vs. Staten Island Chuck?
INANE QUOTE OF THE DAY:
I just heard Donnie Deutsch say that "Positivity is the new black."
If Obama wins today, will he modify that to the more racially provocative "Barack is the new black?"
ART PROJECT IDEA:
"Veiled threats." Weapons wrapped in beautiful, form -fitted wrapping paper--to reveal the menace that lurks just beneath the veneer of loveliness. A huge knife wrapped in a paisley patterned rice paper. An ax in beautifully dyed pulpy paper from a fine papeterie. A Glock 9 in yellow gossamer or tulle. etc. It could be called "Not Quite Naked Gun" or "Scantily Clad Gun." Or it could maintain its dignity and skip the spiritually diminishing word play.
SUPERBOWL NOTES:
Overall, I would say that the event was a bit less objectionably excessive and empty than it has been in recent years and hence functioned a bit less as a high budget recruitment film for Al Qaeda. The football game was great. The ads were a bit less lavishly gratuitous (and some like the Tide talking stain spot, the Doritos giant rat spot and the Coca Cola Thanksgiving day battling balloon spot were actually inspired) and, thanks to Tom Petty, the half-time show featured beautiful music performed with some dignity and restraint. It was wonderful to be spared the spectacle of sexagenarians strutting about in an overproduced celebration of preening narcissism and steroid enhanced consumption.
PROPS OF THE DAY:
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message497703/pg1
To Montel Williams for pulling the best impression of Peter Finch in Network since Bill Maher and committing career suicide by speaking about the obscenity of the fact that we as a culture spend all our time talking about Heath Ledger and Brittney and The Super Bowl and not a word about the troops who are dying daily overseas. For exposing the ratings-driven distraction industry for the shameless war-enabling apparatus that it is.
Speaking of which: I really wonder who Eli Manning will start dating now that he's won a Superbowl!
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY: (Dumbed down in honor of the Super Bowl).
He never metamucil he didn't like.
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February 01, 2008
LIFE IMITATING ART MOMENT OF THE DAY:
Orange construction draping weaving through Central Park--acutely reminiscent of the orange gates put up by Christo and his wife who always insists that she be given co-creator credit and whose name I can never remember.
IRONY OF THE DAY:
That Barack Obama might fail to get the Democratic nomination not because of the racism of white Americans but because of the racism of a minority group of Americans: Latinos. When Hillary's people say they are confident that they have a Latino-American firewall in most of the big states, one suspects they are speaking less of that group's high regard for Hillary than that group's negative feelings toward her African-American opponent. Or should I say, their negative feelings towards the African-Americanness of her opponent.
AMUSEMENT OF THE (OTHER) NIGHT:
Watching Cheney behind W during Bush's utterly pedestrian State of the Union address becoming visibly exhausted by having to repeatedly stand up for the innumerable Republican applause lines ....while the younger, fitter Pelosi had the advantage of being able to sit through more than half of them.
He'd never make it through a Yom Kippur service.
MUSICAL OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
Stairway to Heaven is the Nessun Dorma of pop music.
PHENOMENON OF THE DAY:
The perils of the conference call self-muting button. As one gains in one’s confidence in one's inaudibility, one grows more and more brazen in the kind of comments one makes. And then that mortifying moment arrives.
SIGN OF DEPRESSION OF THE DAY:
When you’re in the elevator with some people and you suddenly notice that your fly is totally unzipped and your immediate reaction isn’t “Oh my god, my zipper is down!!!” it’s “Whatever. I’ll deal with it later.”
CLARIFICATION OF THE DAY:
The preceding in in no way relevant to me.
CONSUMER OBSERVATION OF THE DAY: (Courtesy of D.)
The huge box for my 40" HD TV still sits in the middle of my floor. "40 TV Flat Screen TV" is printed really large on the box but for some reason instead of printing an actual size image of the TV, they have made it somewhat smaller. To compensate for this and to avoid any possible misunderstanding about the size of this prized consumer object (even though, as I say, the box is absolutely enormous and the words "40" Flat Screen TV" are printed in like 100 point type upon it), they have a rather petite woman curled up comfortably next to the TV--just to remind us how manly and massive it is.
LFAQs:
Is it possible to get motion sickness listening to someone talk?
What tasty treats are Hillary and Barack offering to Edwards for his endorsement right now? Veep? Attorney General? A gift certificate to Frederic Fakkai? (Yes, there are two Americas: One in which Edwards is Obama's Vice President, the other in which he Hillary's Attorney General).
Have I mentioned how manly and massive my HDTV is lately?
MAGAZINE IDEA OF THE DAY:
Teddy Vegas LIVING. Articles would deal with the labelling of boxes, the shifting of piles from surface to surface, the turning of empty cardboard boxes into temporary tables etc.
NOTE FROM LATERAL THINKING PURGATORY:
He was trying to stay on task, cutting off ever sprouting tangents in his mind like Theseus hacking off the heads of the poly-headed Hydra. (This sentence was one of the tangents that he missed).
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
Where some people inflect their statements to sound like questions, he managed to do precisely the opposite--posing inquiries in a way that sounded like bold assertions.
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