STUFF OF THE DAY: MARCH 6, 2007

IMAGES OF THE DAY:

Theme: Interior objects in exterior locations.

CLARIFICATION OF THE DAY:

In case it wasn't clear and in case it matters, the image above is a refrigerator door lying horizonally on the sidewalk (as if the identification of the thing truly answers any fundamental question about its being.)

IRONY OF THE DAY:

Has anyone noticed the irony that, in consecutive days' headlines, Cheney has been associated with a leak and a clot?

HEADLINE OF THE DAY/WEEK/MONTH/YEAR/DECADE/CENTURY/ MILLENIUM/GEOLOGICAL EPOCH

Swiss Accidently invade Liechtenstein.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070302/ap_on_fe_st/mistaken_invasion

Again, the real world making a mockery of one's attempts to parody it. Put 1000 Onion writers at typewriters for 1000 years and they'd never come up with that one.

OTHER CURIOUS HEADLINE OF THE DAY:

Anna Nicole Smith funeral to be private, “over the top.”

Private and over the top are not descriptors one usually thinks of as being apposite.

NEW OSCAR CATEGORY OF THE DAY:

In addition to Short Features, there should be a category for Not Short Enough Features.

MUSICAL DESECRATION OF THE DAY/MUSIC VIDEO CONCEPT OF THE DAY:

I am in a bar and I hear this hip hop dance remix based on a “sampled” theme from the “Moonlight Sonata.” I envision the accompanying video to be this: We open on a gravestone that says “Ludwig Von Beethoven”. The camera travels six feet down to find Beethhoven twitching in his grave…in time to the rhythm of the drum machine that sullies his lyrical opus.

CONCEPT OF THE DAY:

Mensch Manque.

Yeah, he was a bit of an asshole. But deep down he really wanted to be a good guy. Used like professor manquee. A guy who was meant to be one thing, but never got around to it. A guy who missed his calling.

LINGUISTIC POLITICAL OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

War on Terror. Instead of Terrorism. War on the Democrat party. Instead of Democratic Party. Bush’s inability to finish words seems emblematic of his inability to finish thoughts. To think things through to their logical ends. A linguistic and cognitve short shrifting that has gotten us into the mess we’re in with the environment and with Iraq.

Half words reflecting half thoughts…

Worse. There is a swaggering contempt for the act of speaking or thinking something through. Thinking about the consequences of continued abuse of the environment…that’s for all the hand wringers and thought thinkers. Not for Mr. Faith-based, shoot-from-the-gut Jesus Cowboy. Thinking about what will happen after we win the military phase of the war in Iraq? Again. My mind just won’t to go there. That’s for fact-based, hand-wringing, word-slinging, thought thinking liberals.

INSPIRED SIGNAGE OF THE DAY:

I see a poster on the subway for:

Black
History

The B and the H are in black print over a white backgound and the rest of the words are in white type over a black background, so what one reads is:

lack
istory.

Lack of an iStory? Lack of a single organizing narrative of self? This is a predicament I can relate to.

Speaking of which...

BELATED BLACK HISTORY MONTH HONORARY ACT OF THE DAY:

On my fantasy basketball team, I traded a guy named DeShawn for a guy named LaMarcus. I'm also thinking of changing my name to LaTeddy. Digital Napkins by LaTeddy Vegas. I don't know about you, but I'm sort of feeling it.

OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

I just received an invitation to my aunt's gallery opening. After leaving painting for a spiritual community, she is back to painting. In the end, some of us discourse most deeply with God or His absence alone.

(BTW: I really like her paintings.)

FAQs of THE DAY:

How was your flight?
Did you get a haircut?
When is it due?
Has that always been there?
How are the kids?
Do you really expect me to believe that?
No, no no...I mean when is the last possible day I can get it to you?
Do I look like an idiot to you?

LFAQs of THE DAY:

What is the bare minumum amount of chicken that has to be in soup for it to be legally called chicken soup?

Is it by design or accident that the three notes sounded by the closing subway cars in NYC are the first three notes of "There's a Place for Us" from West Side Story?

If, for a day, all signage were in the font and color of Dunkin Donuts, would people eat more or at least crave more donuts?

Are gat teeth sexy in women because they suggest secret interiorities and hence penetrability?

Would Howie Dye be a great name or what?

Pat Riley-Michael Douglass: Separated at birth?

RANDOM DESCRIPTIONS OF THE DAY:

Laughter: The sound of logic imploding.

Crying: The sound of worlds dissolving. (Or: Trapped presence within the self being ecstatically released and allowed to re-enter the present.)

LYRICS OF THE DAY:

I'm just a great composer
and not a violent man
bit i lost my composure
and I shot Ferdinand.

Cry it's all well and kosher
to say you don't understand
but this is for Holland-Dozier-(Holland)
his last words were:

We don't know anything, you don't know anything, I don't anything about love.

-Stephen Merritt/Magnetic Fields "The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure" on 69 Love Songs.

COMMENT OF THE DAY:

Amazing--and, I would suggest, irresponsible-- that the AMA has not officially endorsed whiskey as a treatment for coughs, colds and flus. Sure it doesn't last. But what in this mortal life truly does?

REFLECTION OF THE DAY:

My first 20 trips around the sun, i was led only by my heart. It dragged me blindly behind it. I had no choice. Oh to be so blindly feelingful again.

FRAGMENT OF THE DAY:

The kind of horrible unnavigable incommunicable space that can open up between a man and his life.

CRY FOR HELP OF THE DAY:

I found myself in a bar at around 6:15 watching Pardon The Interruption with the TV on mute.

CLARIFICATION OF THE DAY #2:

Pardon the Interruption is a sports talk show where two unattractive guys basically yell at each other for 30 seconds at a time about a given sports topic. The point being, there is not much point in watching it on mute.

SPORTS REFLECTION OF THE DAY:

Fantasy hoops has been so consistently stimulating (relevant news coming in at 30 second intervals every single night) that I am actually considering my upcoming annual trip to Las Vegas as something of a lull in the action.

MUSICAL OBSERVATIONS OF THE DAY:

1) Bruce and Bono: Big meat hearts. True believers in search of redemption through the gospel of rock and roll.

2) "You're beautiful, so beautiful and i don't know what to do...cause I'll never be with you" landed that delicate quavering romantic singer Petra Nemcova--arguably the world's most beautiful woman. Maybe we should all try being quavering-voiced romantic losers. Or at least being really rich and famous and good looking.

3) "New Slang" by The Shins truly is "The Only Living Boy in New York" (by Simon and Garfunkel) of the aughts...a hymn to youthful freedom with a mournful joy radiating from the heart of it. It is almost impossible to listen to that song without feeling a soaring gratitude for the achingly beautiful gift of being alive.

It is no surprise that the two songs are both on the soundtrack to Garden State. They are sonic-spiritual doppelgangers; mytho-melodic twins two generations apart.

RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:

He made Rainer Maria Rilke seem like Attila the Hun.

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