CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS, CELEBRITY NON-SIGHTINGS, BRIEF RANTS, AMAZING FACTOIDS AND SOME OTHER STUFF

IMAGE OF THE DAY/EXPERIENCE OF THE DAY:

I rode in a friend's boat up the Hudson for lobsters near the Tappan Zee bridge in Tarrytown. We watched the sunset up at the marina restaurant and then returned on an almost entirely dark, entirely untrafficked river. The water was glassy smooth--and for perhaps the first time ever on a boat, I experienced no motion sickness.

Coming off the river at night and straight into Manhattan was an amazing transition. From the unpeopled and silent, to the teeming and loud. From the fluidity of water to the fixity of stone. From the river which feels somehow free from the forces of time to the city which feels completely determined by them. And to experience such stark contrast in such rapid succession. Right off the water and straight into the ESPN zone. Wonderfully dislocating. As I lay in my bed catching up on the games I'd missed, a sense of liquid possibility lingered.

IRONIC META-THEFT OF THE DAY:

You know those amusing Citibank commercials where characters who've had their identity stolen speak in the voices of the people who've stolen them? You know: The big muscular black guy speaking with the voice of a valley girl who's talking about all the great clothing she bought etc? Well, I'm watching a commercial and I see these two well dressed 30 something men talking in the voices of young adolescents. And I'm waiting for the Citibank logo to come up and, instead, it says something like "Test Drive someone else's identity." And there's a logo for the video game "Test Drive." And I'm sort of stunned. Because while I've certainly seen ad ideas stolen before (albeit seldom so shamelessly), I have never seen a commercial steal its identity from a commercial about stolen identity. A dazzling case of meta-theft--brought to you by "Test Drive."

CELEBRITY NON-SIGHTING OF THE DAY:

As I walk from the subway to my apartment, I see a semi circle of paparazzi waiting out in front of a building. The spectacle has me semi rivetted. And semi fascinated by my own semi-fascination. I suspect that I am more intrigued by the mystery of the absent celebrity than I would be by a sighting of the celebrity him or herself. But maybe I am just flattering and ennobling myself with this idea that I am above common celebrity worship. I linger for a few moments gaging peoples' level of curiosity as they pass (feeling stalkerish, standing there...actually, more like a stalker of stalkers --as what are the paparazzi but professional practitioners of vaguely menacing unauthorized pursuit?) and then leave before finding out who the mystery celebrity was.

PROJECT IDEA OF THE DAY:

It suggests an interesting activity. Stalking the papparazzi. Just follow the paparrazzi wherever they go--without a camera. Just be some creepy guy who always arrives just behind the pack and just stands there looking on.

Then have someone following you around filming it.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING OF THE DAY:

I am sitting in Central Park on Saturday with my friend. We find ourselves, regrettably, within listening distance of the Central Park singer who sings a variety of 1970s light FM songs (from the era of the labial male)--in a manner that makes the originals seem positively edgy. (And full disclosure: These are songs I --as a product of the labial male generation--actually love.) Anyhow, as the guy segues from a mediocre rendition "Sweet Baby James" to a tepid version of "Danny's Song", I remark that what is striking about the guy is that he has absolutely no style of his own. He's just sort of a master of the middling imitation--effecting some pale acoustic likeness of whatever singer-songwriter he happens to be paying homage to. Anyhow, as he moves onto to a perfectly undistinguished version of "American Pie," (One that has me more nostalgic for Don MaClean than I ever suspected I could be), I see a small black guy walk by in front of me with a blond white woman. They are followed immediately by 2 secret service security men with ear pieces--and then by a third one further back. In the time it takes for the caboose of this security train to pass me I realize that the guy they're following/protecting is Kofi Annan. After the momentary gratification that attends this act of identification, I start thinking: Why does Kofi Annan need all that security? He's the head of the UN for goodness sakes--the most powerless, ineffectual, irrelevant organization in the world! Who would bother to abduct him? Who in the world would possibly bother to pay the ransom? And if they're worried about someone trying to attack him rather than merely abduct him, there are only three suspects in the world who hold him and his organization in that much contempt --and Cheney, Bush and Rumsfeld are all really easy to find. As I reflect on this matter, I see that Kofi and his little train of security guys have stopped to listen to the guy with no style sing "American Pie." The soulless rendition wafts through the Indian summer air. "...And Good old boys drinking whiskey and rye singing this will be the day that I die." The security guys look like they're really hating their jobs. I see one of them muttering something into his mouth piece. I imagine it's "Can somebody take this guy out?"

FACTOID OF THE DAY:

The number of obese people in the world has now surpassed the number of malnourished people in the world. Gives a whole new meaning to the "Tipping Point."

It's "world out of balance" writ large. It's "ecce homo" writ supersized.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn10036-obesity-epidemic-engulfing-the-entire-world.html

On the upside, no country with 48 ounce medium sodas has ever declared war on another country with 48 ounce medium sodas.

And remember, in the immortal words of some guy in Emmack and Bolios--speaking with a troubling lack of self consiousness to his wife--"Wow. The fourth scoop is only 50 cents more."

That would make a nice epitaph for humanity if we don't make it.

SUGGESTED BAND NAME:

God's Cholostemy Bag

SUGGESTED PAINT COLOR NAME:

Ashkenazy white.

BRIEF RANT OF THE DAY:

Disgusted with the way Bush used the rhetoric of unity to politicize 9/11. AGAIN! He comes for a photo op every 5 years. Preaching unity. Delivering division.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060912/ap_on_go_pr_wh/sept11_bush

POLITICAL OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

I get a mass e-mail from John Kerry. Imploring me to support a fund to defend 4 Democratic war vet candidates against the the inevitable "swiftboating" they will be subjected to. He's talking tough in the rear view mirror. It feels like a transparently self-serving gesture. The subtext is "I'll kick their asses next time...please nominate me again." I like Kerry. Good man. Bad candidate. But it'd be nice for a politician to--for once--do something that didn't feel so calculatedly self serving--so clearly done with an eye towards their career Curiculum Vitae. I'm tired of brown nosing, teacher's pet Democrats. It'd be nice to see someone just do something brave and unpopular and from the heart and spontaneous and unsafe and unfocused grouped.

Political media consulatants and pollsters (and the associated deference shown to them) have ruined politics in America. At least ruined Democrats in America.

Give me someone who will stake out some damned territory of his own and bring people over to where he is...not try to research where they are and shrink-wrap himself to the size and shape of their wishes.

Reminds me of seeing Gary Hart recently talking to Jon Stewart about his new book A democratic manifesto. Stewart was talking about how sad and funny it was that Democrats had to read a book to know what they stood for. But, alas, it seems to be the case.

APERCU OF THE DAY:

Ex-lovers are like houses that someone else has moved into.

MOTTO OF THE DAY:

Joke-like utterances merit laughter-like responses.

HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF MOMENT OF THE DAY:

Backup Punter stabs starting punter in the leg.

http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/news;_ylt=AtOqm0qjq.vqDDY8ciG6AFE5nYcB?slug=ap-ncolorado-punterattacked&prov=ap&type=lgns

Harding-Kerrigan redux. But to this overshadowed loony toon's credit, at least he didn't delegate the deed. He acted as his own Galooly.

CARTOON WITHOUT ILLUSTRATION OF THE DAY:

VIS: A woman in the crowded crosstown bus is talking into her cell phone.

WOMAN: Whattya mean the psychiatrist says your parents are hostile to each other? They can't hear. They're yelling at each other because they're almost deaf!.

THE SHOCKING SUGGESTION THAT WOMEN MAY BE AS STUPID AS MEN:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/rasmussen/20060912/pl_rasmussen/iraq20060912_1

A plurality of Americans, 43%, continue to believe that there were links between Saddam Hussein's government and Al Qaeda prior to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Thirty-two percent (32%) disagree while 25% are not sure. Once again, there are huge partisan divides on this question. By a 59% to 19% margin, Republicans say there were Iraqi-Al Qaeda links. Democrats disagree by a 46% to 34% margin.

Women, by a 46% to 27% margin, believe that there were pre-9/11 links between the organizations. Men were more evenly divided.

ALCOHOL-RELATED NEWS OF THE DAY:

Study shows Drinking Alcohol Boosts Income.

Bottoms up... the corporate ladder!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060914/hl_afp/afplifestylehealthalcohol

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

She was so obsessed with status in a really brittle and uninteresting way. So needless to say, I thought she was beneath me.

FEEL GOOD STORY OF THE DAY:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=3379017

Negative space graffiti. A delightfully incomplete cleaning job.

FEEL BAD STORY OF THE DAY:

In this T-ball league, rules required that every player on the roster play a minimum of 3 innings. The T-ball coach offered one of his players $25 to injure his autistic (and not athletically gifted) teammate--so the coach wouldn't be forced to play him in the game.

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/news/story?id=2583609

IRAQ GOOD NEWS OF THE DAY:

No parent was accused of bribing a teammate to bean an autistic teammate in the head--to keep the coach from having to play him for the required minumum 3 innings.

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Posted on 9/18/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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