EXIT PLUTO, ENTER CREEPO

COSMOLOGICAL REFLECTION OF THE DAY: ON THE DEPLANETIZATION OF PLUTO:

Weird. Sort of like finding out there are 6 continents. Or Five vestal Virgins. Or 11 months. Or one testicle. The fundament has been shaken.

Damn, just when I was finally beginning to feel at home in the universe.

SUGGESTED TRIBUTE OF THE DAY:

Ways to honor the death/demotion of Pluto:

Wear black.

Be cold and distant.

Snub your smallest friend and tell him or her that he or she is no longer officially a friend.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“I, like, cry when I listen to it, it’s so good.”

-Paris Hilton giving her opinion of her own CD

QUESTION OF THE DAY:

Given the suspicion-inducing perfect timing of this media distraction, it's reasonable to ask: Is this creepy John Mark Karr guy Karl Rove's most brilliant brain child(molester) yet?

CULTURAL OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

No one has ever taken steroids and no one has ever made a mistake in Iraq.

REFLECTION ON LOVE OF THE DAY:

This creepy John Mark Karr guy says he loved JonBenet very very much. OJ says he loved Nicole very very much. Bush and Bin Laden say they love God and his Creation very very much. Enough with the love already. Enough.

ARTICLES OF THE DAY:

Great article by Frank Rich on the ever decreasing efficacy of the Cheney-Rove scare tactics. The attempt to associate all criticism of the government with a lack of seriousness about terrorism is growing old. As is the absurd, spurious connection between support of the War in Iraq and support on the War on terror. In fact, in most instances, the opposition to the former is based on the convitction that it is undermining rather than aiding in the latter. In other words, it's based on an excess rather than a deficit of concern about terrorism. Anyhow, the diminishing effectiveness of the Cheney-Rove scare machine is an interesting reminder that Orwellian logic and a dishonest politics of intimidation will never be as durable as a politics based on truth. Cheney, Bush and Rove are--at the very very very least--brittle, unimaginative, ideological dinosaurs whose reaction to the polyheaded hydra of disseminated Islamic terrorism has been remarkably uninspired. Logically, the claim "If you're serious about fighting al qaeda and the terrorist forces that hit us on 9/11 then you must stay the course in Iraq" has as much truth value as saying "If you're serious about fighting al qaeda and the terrorist forces that hit us on 9/11, you must root for the Yankees." One of the weekly magazines has the question "What if 9/11 never happened?" on its cover. It's also interesting to ask the less starkly provocative question: How would the world be different right now if the war against al qaeda had not been hijacked by the War against Iraq?

Also in the NYT: David Foster Wallace waxing rhapsodic and polysyllabic and digressive and a few other things in praise of Roger Federer. ("Why Watching Roger Federer is a Religious Experience.") While he fuses my love of tennis with my love of language, there's just something about him that strikes one as an over eager puppy effectively saying "Look Master! Look how I brought you back the ball and listen to the elaborate panting language with which I am describing--with nuanced virtuosity-- the dazzlingly complex, dynamically kinesthetic phenomenon you insist on reducing to the word "fetch"." Or perhaps a precocious momma's boy perpetually saying "Mommy, mommy: Look at all the new things I've learned to do today and the ostentatiously elaborate ways I've learned to describe them!!" Not that I'm not sympathetic to his desire to describe the experience of watching Roger Federer in quasi-religious terms. But--hyperarticulate passages notwithstanding--I'm not convinced. It reminds me of my ongoing difference with my friend Ben who is always describing Tiger Woods as proof of the existence of God --or at least as a manifestation of the divinely ascendant within man-- whereas, in my mind, he's just an amazing golfer. I understand the fascination with dominance--with the spectacle of stunning and unprecendented superiority. It certainly evokes awe and some kind of a desire to account for it in onto-theological terms. But for me, what we have in Federer and Tiger is simply (and, of course, I recognize that little is enlightened and much is discursively suppressed by the use of the word "simply") two paragons of their sport--guys that are a little bit better than everyone else at a lot of things and over the course of a long tournament those small differences (in attitude, imagination and physical skills) accumulate and manifest themselves in the form of victory. I love watching them play. I worship at the altar of sport. But I am not going to work myself up into a lather trying to wrap a theology around them.

WEIRD THREAT OF THE DAY:

For every time you don’t call me, I’m gonna call you.

ACT OF GRATITUDE OF THE DAY:

That the English language, in its sublime inefficiency, has seen fit to grant us "efficacy", "efficaciousness" and "effectiveness" as three similar sounding ways of saying exactly the same thing.

MAXIM OF THE DAY:

Life may begin at 40.
But so do prostate exams.

QUOTE OF THE DAY #2:

"It's not fair. These guys aren't playing around." -David Ortiz of the Boston Red Sox after his team was swept by the New York Yankees. Brilliant.

REMINDER OF THE DAY:

Guys: If you're travelling with your mother on a plane, leave the penis pump behind.

(For the perplexed: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=124702)

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY:

Has there ever been a more fitting name for a hard hitting linebacker than one pronounced "Say Ow"?

PEEVE OF THE DAY AKA KANTIAN THOUGHT OF THE DAY AKA EGO-MANIACAL CONFESSION OF THE DAY:

Peeve of the day. People who don't listen to your cell phone messages and call you back just after you've hung up to see what's up. It's the double indignity of their not listening to your fine improvisational performance and then making you repeat what you have already said. Much as the "tourist" who pretends to have lost his wallet and to need help is ruining it for all the real tourists who've actually lost their wallets and will now not get a red cent from me (having already been burnt by a scammer), so too these discourteous cell companions are ruining it for the worthy ones--as they will no longer be getting the blessings of my improvisational voicemail performances. Let's all observe a moment of silence in honor of their inestimable loss.

QUOTE OF THE DAY #3:

The idle speculation marathon has begun on CNN concerning this creepy JonBenet Ramsey suspect. They have been asking all the neighbors and friends and coworkers etc. about the suspect--a largely inane process which did, however, yield one great quote: "He said he was a substitute teacher but I just got the feeling he didn't know what a substitute teacher was supposed to do."

SUGGESTED BAND NAMES OF THE DAY:

Tepid
Infirmacy
Bodily Function
Mediocracy
Mediogre

CARTOON WITHOUT ILLUSTRATION OF THE DAY:

VIS: Little boy walking down the street with his grandmother. On his black T-shirt is written:

"I'm not dead yet"

SINGLE SENTENCE RANDOM PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:

He had a knack for turning anyplace into precisely the wrong place.

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Posted on 8/25/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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