COGITO ERGO BOOM: ZIDANE AND THE FRENCH. PLUS, WORLD WAR III, CHOCOLATE THAT DOESN'T MELT IN YOUR HANDS OR YOUR MOUTH AND A CRUSTACEAN REFUTATION OF INTELLIGENT DESIGN.

BEST ZIDANE THEORY OF THE DAY: (Before the actual utterance was revealed--via a crack staff of lip readers and, then, Zidane himself.)

"My guess is that the Italian guy said "Mocki Hoy Ding-Ding". I don't know what it means but I know it makes big trouble since, as a small kid in Washington Heights, I would occasionally open the door of George the Chinese laundryman's place and yell it. He would then chase me with a long knife. it was the beginning of my track and field career."

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Again, before the actual utterance was revealed.)

I did insult him, it's true," Materazzi said in Tuesday's Gazzetta dello Sport. "But I categorically did not call him a terrorist. I'm not cultured and I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is."

ZIDANE OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

OK. After all the enjoyable speculation as to what Materazzi said to Zidane to provoke the headbutt, it appears that it was not a terrorist slur, nor an indictment of Zidane's manhood, nor an unflattering representation of his mother, nor the taunt "Moki Hoy Ding Dong", nor an aspersion cast on French cuisine, but rather an insult to the honor of his sister. According to Zidane, the Italian player was tugging at his shirt and he (Zidane) responded, "If you want my shirt so badly I'll give it to you after the game." To which the Italian wit responded, "I'd rather have it off the back of your whore sister." At which point, as we all know, Zidane gave him head--in a most public and unamorous fashion.

There is a code of honor among sports competitors learned from the schoolyard on up: You can trash talk all you want about the person and his dubious manhood. You can call him honey. Sweety. Your bitch. Whatever. But you simply don't talk about his mother or sister. Materazzi's insult was in flagrant violation of the tacitly acknowledged code of the game--and of family honor. While Zidane's response was indefensible in terms of his identity as a professional athlete, it was completely defensible in terms of his identity as a man. The meaning of his gesture was this: The ancient code of family honor trumps the concerns of internationalism and the logics of victory and defeat. There is at least some kind of case to be made that such a position is somehow righteous. Or at the very least, honestly human.

While he is no transcendent hero, he is no villain or monster either. He is simply a guy.

Anyhow, my reflection on the matter is this: (Warning: Gross cultural. stereotypes to follow). In an assessment of French history and the French "character", non confrontation and compensatory condescension loom large. Escort the Nazis into Paris. And then look down your nose at them. Beg the Americans to save your ass in WWII and then act like they are beneath your gratitude and contempt. It is a culture of endless abstraction and equally endless inaction--one far more comfortable with discourse than with force. The only iconic tough guys I can think of in French culture are the film noir heroes like Jean Pierre Belmondo--who are explicitly modelled on American noir toughs and thugs. Granted, this is a broad cultural generalization. But, like most such generalizations, it is sustained by a certain grain of truth. When an American argues with a French person (or for that matter most middle and northern Europeans), the French faith in and taste for discourse and reason usually far exceeds the American's...who often ends up attempting to resolve the matter not by reason, but by force. In the ancient relationship between force and discourse, the French are infinitely less comfortable with the former than the latter. (Although they could no doubt kick our ass in the theory department by writing impressive volumes on the altercation like--and I apologize in advance for what may be as unseemly an assault on the magnificent French language as Zidane's headbutt was on Materazzi's magnificent sternum-- "La Language de la lutte physical" or "La Signification Dialectique de la geste violente.")

I suppose that a culture based on "I think therefore I am" finds unreasoned brute action somehow offensive to its core identity. This is why I found the Zidane gesture so significant. For once, here was a French guy not avoiding confrontation (and seeking the consolation of compensatory condescenion and retrospective ridicule), here was a French guy not acquiescing and then resenting, here was a French guy not resorting to abstraction and the godly pretentions of discourse, in fact here was a French guy not even resorting to thought at all (not even the simple calculus of self-interest.): Instead here was a French guy doing the far more American thing of seeing red and kicking ass. Of pulling a cranial version of Operation Shock and Awe.

I have a feeling that in some funny way, it was cathartic for the French for once to be on the side of force versus reason. Of aggression versus abstraction. Of finally liberating their heads from the oppressive imperatives of thought. I think this explains the French obsession with the incident. And their refusal to condemn Zidane, even before he explained what had precipitated the act.

(Come to think of it, the only other act of brute unreasoned violence in Frensh literature I can think of was provided by another Algerian-French figure, Albert Camus, via his protagonist Meursault in "The Stranger" --although that act of "absurd" violence was neither cathartic nor a defensible response to a provocation.)

I can see thiswhole Zidane Incident having an enduring effect on the French psyche. "Cogito Ergo Sum"* will turn into "Cogito Ergo Boom." Or is it "Non Cogito Ergo Boom??"

--

*For the pretentiousness challenged: That is Latin for "I Think therefore I am."

FRENCH CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH QUESTION OF THE DAY:

Zidane versus Descartes. In 100 years, which will be seen as being a more important event in French cultural history: Descartes saying "Cogito Ergo Sum." or Zidane saying "Boom?" Which is the more significant use of the head? Which will have a more enduring effect on the French national character?

CLARIFICATION/SELF-INDICTMENT OF THE DAY:

The preceding gratuitous bashing of the French in no way implies a concommitant valorization of the Americans. I'd rather sit on the fence--like someone more French than the French--and take pot shots at them both!

ZIDANE QUESTION OF THE DAY:

What language was Materazzi's insult delivered in? Italian? French? English? Esperanto? Semaphore? It's never discussed. It's funny that even these two self-avowed un-cultured european street kids obviously know at least two languages each--which makes them more linguistically diverse than 90% of college educated Americans.

NEWS SUMMARY OF THE DAY:

On the downside, it looks like World War III may be breaking out in the Middle East. On the upside, scientists have created a kind of chocolate that doesn't melt!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20060714/sc_space/scientistsconcoctchocolatethatwontmelt

HEADLINE OF THE DAY/MEDIA COMMENTARY OF THE DAY:

"Outbreak of War in Middle East Deflecting Attention From Administration's Progress in Region."

In the Wall Street Journal (of course). Spinning to the bitter end. Interestingly, pretty much everything in the article undermined the notion that Bush is making progress in Iraq. But the pro administration headline writer just threw in the gratuitous plug for his boys. I can imagine a headline some time down the road: "Global Nuclear Holocaust validates Bush's Foreign Policy."

OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

Interesting to see Valerie Plame suing Cheney and Rove--using the civil court as a recourse when the satisfactions of the criminal court are denied. In this ritual re-enactment of the OJ drama, the role of the Goldman family will be playhed by Valerie Plame. (OK, one was an unpunished hatchet job, the other was an unpunished slashing. But close enough.)

IRONY OF THE DAY:

I had to spend about an hour this morning, trying to figure out where to put the various organizational devices I've bought over the course of the last few years and never used! About half of that time was devoted to organizing the unused organizers--file folders, shoe racks, under the bed garment bags etc. I suppose I can credit this to off-the-charts laziness or extreme organizational dysfunction. Or I can attempt the more flattering explanation that it's a product of my extreme weakness for recursive logic and self-referential irony. (The smart money is on the laziness.)

IRONY OF THE DAY #2: (With an accent on the IRON in "IRONY.")

They now make these Gummy vitamins so tasty and candy like that kids regularly eat the whole jar full and have to get hospitalized for having excessive iron in their system.

QUOTE OF THE DAY #2:

"Hey, were the attacks in Mumbai or Bombay??"

LINK OF THE DAY:

The dicklessly dickish digressions of one Ricky Gervais. Perhaps the funniest sequence I've ever seen of his.

www.devilducky.com/media/47944/

REFUTATION OF INTELLIGENT DESIGN OF THE DAY:

A Maine Lobsterman caught a rare two-toned lobster--one that looks nothing so much as half-baked.

http://www.boston.com/news/odd/articles/2006/07/14/maine_lobsterman_pulls_up_rare_lobster/

I think it's nature way of saying "hooey" to the Intelligent design argument. "Look. Lots of my ideas aren't intelligent. In fact they're half-baked."

COMEDY BIT OF THE DAY:

One armed guy looks in the mirror and says: "Hey, why didn't anyone tell me I was missing an arm!"

Tags:   None

© All rights reserved.

Posted on 7/15/2006 ( Permanent Link )
Read 355 Times
 Send to Friend