A LITTLE SOMETHING BEFORE 6/6/6

NEWS ITEM OF THE DAY:

According to The New York Review of Books, The Bush administration has been attempting a historically unprecedented power grab—with the executive branch of government surrepticiously usurping constitutionally allocated powers from the legislative branch. The main mechanism of this illicit transfer of power is an obscure practice started by Ronald Reagan known as the Signing Statement. Evidently, Signing Statements allow sitting presidents to officially record their concerns about and attitudes towards Bills that have been passed by Congress and which they are signing into Law. Reagan made a few such Signing Statements during his presidency and George H Bush and Clinton made use of the practice from time to time as well. Anyhow, Bush—no doubt under the influence of Imperial Veep Cheney—has made it common practice to make such officially recorded and obscurely phrased stipulations to the bills he’s signing into Law. And it is not the frequency of the practice that is alarming, but the nature of the stipulations. He has repeatedly used these statements for one simple purpose: To make it clear that –in his interpretation and under certain (in fact, present) conditions—the law does not pertain to him. To this point, Bush has written 750 such self-excepting Signing Statements. Never--mind you-in the public eye, during the smiling Bill Signing Photo-op. But secretly afterwards, with his legal advisors and Imperial Veep. It’s the classic Bush-Cheney Bait and switch. Sign a Bill Into Law with a big “Mission Accomplished” sign in the background, then secretly undo the bill you’ve just signed. Publicly promise funds on the rubble of Ground Zero or the recently flooded city square of New Orleans …and then quiety fail to send them. Promise to Leave no Child Behind. And then carrot in the word “wealthy” between “no” and “Child.” Sign the Health Care Bill with some kindly looking ethnic old folks beside you and then run off to back slap and smoke cigars with Pharmaceutical execs who are the real beneficiaries of the bill. Sign A Clean Skies Bill with all kinds of green looking paraphernalia and then whoop it up with the industrial leaders who are left exempt from the bill by grace of a cynically crafted loophole. It's as if the entire administration has been operating like a kid making promises with his fingers crossed. It’s cartoonish in every way. Except for the being funny part.

In summary:

The President praises the Lay-Skilling verdict for its bracing reminder that no one-- regardless of how rich and powerful-- is above the law. And then whispers to himself. “Except me.” And gives that “Gee I’d love to have a beer with that rascal” chuckle.

"WHO WOULDA THOUGHT?" SEGMENT OF THE DAY:

Who woulda thought...

That the government would snub NYC in its request for anti-terrorism funding and instead give those funds to terrorist targets in the midwest and southwest where Republcan votes are needed in the coming election? (Ok, just kidding about the "who would have thought?" on this one.)

That something as important as the War against Terrorism (Or whatever Bush-Cheney are calling it these days) would be subjected to the forces of pork barreling and political self interest? (Ditto the parenthetic comment above).

That with all the acutely real problems in the world, the government has decided to prioritize "The Ban on Gay Marriage" as the most pressing issue of the day? (Ditto the parenthetic comments above about ditto-ing the parenthetic comment above).

That we would ever reach the point where these kind of things fail to shock or surprise and can't even merit inclusion in a "who woulda thought?" list as anything other than a joke?

TROUBLING HEADLINE OF THE DAY:

Schwarzenegger To Order Troops To Border.

http://news.yahoo.com/fc/us/immigration

Sieg Arnold?

DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY:

The veterans of war tip-toed through the minefields of memory.

DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY #2:

My NYC Cabbie: One ear to me, the other to Karachi.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

From a NYT review of a book about film criticism.

"His overblown film reviews read like bad poetry, just like his poetry."

-Clive James writing about Carl Sandburg

SPORTS-RELATED QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"I loved the way he played and how he never backed down from anything. He was an incredible teammate. He was a warrior, and I always felt you'd have to kill him to get the upper hand on him. If every player in the NFL had as much heart and desire as he had, football would be illegal."

-Curtis Martin on Wayne Chrebet

CELEBRITY NEWS OF THE DAY:

Anna Nicole Smith is reportedly pregnant. But I suspect if they did a sonogram, they’d find a donut.

COGNATIVE DISSONANCE OF THE DAY:

Wow. They broke up a major terrorist plot to attack Canada. Canada?? I sort of feel the way I did when that guy tried to kill George Harrison. Wrong country,. Wrong Beatle. Wrong everything.

"LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT" MOMENT OF THE DAY:

In the wake of all of the well-publicized problems in Iraq (from Abu Graib to the recent apparent mass killings by Marines), the government is proposing a "Values Course" for American GIs (what Maureen Dowd has referred to as “remedial decency.”). But wait, I thought we were over there BECAUSE of our values. So let me get this straight: We went to war on the basis of democratic values (reason number 3 after our first two rationales --WMDs and Osama Bin Laden link--proved groundless and, hence, the rationale we are stuck with) and now we're gonna finally get around to teaching our soldiers those values 3 years into the mission??? Ok, no problem. Just wanted to make sure.

METAPHOR OF THE DAY:

When someone says to you—as someone in fact said to me the other night—that she feels that “Vodka is the white zinfandel of alcoholic beverages”, well this is cause for concern—both at an alcoholic and linguistic level. It’s like saying: I think peyote is the marijuana of drugs. Or Strawberry Cheesecake is the Pop Tart of sweets.

You don’t know whether to suggest a 12 step program or remedial English classes. Of course, one sort of gets what she means. But wouldn’t it be nice to establish a little more categorical separation between the metaphor and the referent?

REPRESENTATIVE ANECDOTE OF THE DAY:

At the Mets games at Shea, they have this bizarre little between innings entertainment on the Diamond Vision electronic billboard where 4 different colored cars race and you have to pick which one is going to win. I kept thinking. This is an absurd exercise that essentially makes monkeys of us all. We are actually investing time and energy rooting for an outcome that we have absolutely no control over. Then I turned back to the game and realized it was—of course—a three hour long (no, make that a season long) exercise in the exact same thing. Word to the Mets organization on the cleverly mocking self-reflexive meta-commentary.

DANGLING CLAUSE OF THE DAY:

…with the life expectancy of a Grateful Dead keyboard player.

THING I REMEMBER FROM MY DREAM:

That I ordered the epistemological salad.

PHENOMENON THAT SHOULD HAVE ITS OWN WORD OF THE DAY:

Seeing the typo after pressing “send.”

DADA-INSPIRED POLITICAL BUMPER STICKERS OF THE DAY:

Anti-Troops. Pro-War.

Shhh. It’s in our interest to keep it secret.

NOTE OF THE DAY/SIGN OFF OF THE DAY:

In the remote case that there is any merit to this whole 6/6/6 thing and it does turn out to be the end of the world, I just wanted to wish you all a splendid final few hours on earth and to let you know how eternally moved I am that you chose to spend a few moments of that time with my electronically transmitted words. If, on the other hand, this whole 6/6/6 thing turns out to have been a travesty of a mockery of a sham with less truth behind it than the case for War in Iraq, then I take back the electronically transmitted gooeyness at the end of the last sentence...or at least retroactively reduce it to contextually appropriate levels.

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Posted on 6/6/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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