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MEMORIAL DAY OBSERVATION OF THE DAY: (HENCE ALL THE "IN MEMORIAM" STUFF THAT FOLLOWS).
I am sure this will be noted by many. But I not going for originality here. I am going for simple truthfulness.
There is something perverse about a president solemly memorializing the lives of soldiers whom he effectively sent to entirely unnecessary deaths. And there is something maddening about the absurd circularity of the rationale that we must continue fighting the War in Iraq (subsumed under the ever shifting, conveniently amorphous War on Terror) in order to honor those who have already died for the cause. But alas, he is the decider. And he decides who shall live and who shall unnecessarily die.
Also, while he's at it: He might want to pay tribute to the uncounted (but estimates suggest up to 100,000) Iraqis who've died at our hands during the war in the name of their own freedom.
AWKWARDNESS OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: DIGNITY.)
I suppose it was awkward to be having these solemn ceremonies taking place with investigations into a My Lai type Marines killing spree taking place in the background. In some funny way, it sort of parallels the awkwardness of the Barry Bonds home run chase. It's a time when everything seems sadly and unnecessarily sullied. I think that is why I was so moved by "Good Night and Good Luck" which I finally saw the other night. You just don't see people doing something truly dignified and brave and honorable in public life very often these days. In Memoriam: Edwin Murrow. And Big Ups to you and your spiritual heirs.
REMINDER OF THE DAY:
And in the spirit of Memorial Day, let us remember this:
That George W. Bush's 2000 presidential campaign was all about restoring honor and dignity to the White House.
ANALOGY OF THE DAY:
Having Bush pay tribute to the soldiers fallen in the Iraq War is a bit (just an itty bitty bit) like having OJ deliver Nicole's eulogy. OK, that was a cheap shot. It's unfair to compare Bush and OJ. After all, OJ is only responsible for the deaths of 2 people.
APOLOGY OF THE DAY:
For the unseemly glibness of the preceding comment. I hope it does not undermine the seriousness of the remarks (or the occasion) that preceded it. In the course of a dead serious reflection, I simply stumbled upon a funny thought and was not equal to the challenge of suppressing it. I gave in to my weaker, attention-seeking, anything-for-a-laugh impulses and for that I apologize.
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: THE SISTERHOOD).
Interesting to see the Duke women wearing "innocence bands" in support of the Duke Lacrosse players who have been accused of raping an African American woman.
It speaks to racial and class affiliations trumping gender associations.
NEWS ITEM OF THE DAY: ( A bad hazing for the fat cat frat boys). (IN MEMORIAM: " I DIDN'T KNOW" AS A DEFENSE.)
Wow. Skilling and Lay are found guilty. One would like to think that the verdict has symbolic implications beyond this specific case. That it is, in fact, a resounding slap in the face not just to the defendants but to the whole Enron-Bush-Cheney fast and loose with the truth (loosy goosy with the truthy) back-slapping, bear hugging, booyah shouting, circle jerking good ole boy culture. A demand for accountability from corporate and political leaders who have somehow presumed to place themselves beyond it. “I didn’t know what was going on” just won’t cut it any more. One hopes, one hopes…But, unlike David Blaine, my breath is not held.
Seems accountability is in the zeitgeist today. Rove must have a new memo out. As a result, Bush and Blair—for the first time-- acknowledged a few mistakes in Iraq. Not to be cynical, but I suspect if Lay and Skilling had been exonerated, I don’t think you would have heard those belated admissions of the obvious. I think they would have stayed with the same admit no mistakes—stay the course—script. But Rove has stuck h is finger up the rectum of America and taken its temperature and seems to think it’s time to play the “accountability” or the “limited mea culpa” card.
Indeed, I’ll bet the big disinformation machine of the right is trying to cynically spin this into a victory for the Bush administration. They’ll issue a statement saying something like “Back in 2001, President Bush said he’d make sure these people face justice and now they have. The administration stands behind these convictions. This is further evidence of the (I didn’t know Kenny Lay-Jack Abramoff-What was going on in Abu Graib—Or in Guantanamo Bay--Who leaked Valerie Plame’s Name- That the situation in New Orleans was so serious) Administration’s commitment to truthfulness and accountability in all matters of public life. “ Then they’ll issue a press release about Al Gore’s new movie, reminding us that Global Warning—like Evolution and Gravity--is just an unsubstantiated theory.
Oh, in case there was any confusion, the parenthetic qualifier above will not be part of their official statement.
Cynicism aside: I do believe the pendulum is swinging back towards a culture of accountability.
CARTOON WITHOUT ILLUSTRATION OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: BOOYAH!)
I can imagine Skilling and Lay talking to each other after the verdict.
SKILLING: The jurists. They hate us for our freedom. -- Our freedom from accountability and law.
LAY: Yeah, They hate us for the way we live. -- Fat and bloated on ill gotten gains.
MOCK PROPOGANDA OF THE DAY:
If we hold our leaders accountable, then the terrorists have already won!
TEDDY VEGAS ROVE-INSPIRED, CUSTOM-IRONIZED BUMPER STICKER IDEAS OF THE DAY:
To love the environment is to hate America.
Al Gore hates us for our freedoms.
Support our SUVs.
Global Warming is not just a theory. It's a conspiracy.
If we become less dependent on oil then the terrorists have already won.
I did not have sex with that man—Jack Abramoff.
ZEN-KOAN QUESTION OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: UNPROBLEMATIC COMMUNICABILITY).
If an act of ironic satire so fully conforms with the thing it is mocking as to be arguably indistinguishable from it, is it still an act of ironic satire?
BARRY OBSERVATION OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: THE CULTURAL ASSOCIATION BETWEEN BASEBALL AND INNOCENCE.).
(Written after 714 and before 715)
The spectacle of Bonds chasing Ruth feels like two parallel paths being pursued at once—one in which he’s pursuing an all time record and another in which he’s already died or retired. Alternatively put, there is a ghostly, attenuated quality to it. A not-really-happening-ness, an uncategorizability, a plausible deniability that is fascinating to experience and attempt to define. Part of it is reminiscent of other public figures who have been disgraced (OJ, Martha Stewart etc.) –but none of them has ever been simultaneously disgraced AND in the middle of a legendary near mythic public achievement. Yes, that's it: It’s the uniquely bizarre and totally public pairing of the disgraced and the heroic, the fallen and the elevated that is so strangely rivetting. One is perpetually looking towards and away in the same gesture.
It’s sort of like the guy who’s already been fired at the office who is still working there and hanging around…in a morale-diminishing kind of a way, Except the twist is that between his being fired and his actually leaving the place, he ends up moving up the corporate ladder and makes it to the top. Or some such.
Anyhow, the race is on. Not just to catch Aaron. But to find an appropriate way to describe this highly peculiar phenomenon.
P.S. OK, he passed Ruth yesterday. Fittingly, the live announcer was cut off mid way through the call ("Bonds hits it and...."). It's almost like the "accidental" break in the broadcast was an expression of the media world's desire to not acknowledge the event. There was a little burst of public celebration (a discreet little mention at the bottom of the front page of the NYT, a modestly sized headline on the first page of the NYT sports section etc., a few high minded quotes of praise from fellow players) and now, one suspects, he will return to a sort of ghostly half life as he attempts to travel the road from Ruth to Aaron.
CONCEPTUAL ART FORM OF THE DAY: THE OBITUARY (IN MEMORIAM: TRANSPARENT, TRUSTWORTHY DEATH NOTICES)
At the Biennial this year, one of the things that impressed me most, was a series of fictionalized NYT style obituaries of famous figures (Bill Clinton, Nicole Kidman, Rod Stewart etc.) written as if they had died in 2004. What was striking was the way the randomness of the chosen figures echoed the randomness of death itself. And the way the concept of the premature obit offered an artificial closure that was shocking (and dislocating) in its false finality. It made one think of how conceptually interesting it would be to see obits of famous living people written with the conceit that they had died young—before perception-altering second acts in the public eye altered their legacy forever. For example, an obit of OJ Simpson with the premise that he had died in a car crash in 1993. Or, say, of Mike Tyson if he had died at 25. Or, conversely, fictionalized obits of people who had in fact died young…assuming they’d lived to ripe old ages: Alternative histories in which Jimi Hendrix died of liver failure at 80 after starting a vegan cult off the coast of Madagascar. Or James Dean of AIDS-related complications at 77 after being a star in a popular sit com. Etc. Of course, the former variation is more compelling than the latter in that it relies on less of a fictitious element and more on a reality-based reframing of actual events. Disorientation by plausible subtraction rather than by somewhat dismissable addition.
Anyhow, obituaries--as the public statement of final absence --are inherently compelling. But an obituary without death is jarring and powerful in a very particular and unusual way.
ART OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
Walking through Times Square the day after seeing the generally underwhelming Biennial, I couldn't help but think that virtually any of the performers was more compelling than most of the stuff in the Whitney and, with the addition of a single layer of representational self-consciousness, might very well have been playing there instead of in the subway.
SPORTSWEAR COMMENTARY OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: THE IRAQI BEACH VOLLEYBALL TEAM)
For anyone who ever thought David Stern's NBA dress code was harsh, some Iraqi athletes (tennis players, I think) were shot to death by Islamic Extremists for wearing shorts. It's going to seriously hold back the Iraqi national team's rise towards international competitiveness if their male athletes have to wear long pants and their female athletes have to wear burqas.
QUIP OF THE DAY/RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY:
Rumours of his life were greatly exaggerated.
REVISED QUIP OF THE DAY/RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY For people not familiar with the Mark Twain reference quote.
Rumours of his being alive were greatly exaggerated
"WE ARE ALL WITNESSES" MOMENT OF THE DAY:
A truck called G.O.D. (Guaranteed Overnight Delivery) drives throught the streets of the godless city. “Student Driver” is says after the name.
FEEL BAD THEN GOOD THEN BAD AGAIN STORY OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: DECENCY.)
12 climbers passed a fellow climber struggling with his oxygen near the top of Everest and decided to make it to the top instead of trying to save him. He was reported to have died and Everest climbing pioneer Sir Edmund Hillary (about 100 years old) condemned them for their shameless behavior--which could be characterized as somewhere between unsportsmanlike and negligently homicidal. Anyhow, it turns out reports of the climber's death were, in fact, a bit exaggerated and he was revived and saved. It'd be great if they'd film the left-for-dead guy's encounter with the glory-bound, summit-obsessed climbers who passed him by. That'd be some nice, deliciously awkward reality tv, huh?
Who the hell were those climbers, anyhow? Skilling and Lay? Kozlowski and Abramoff?
Whoever they were, I would not be surprised if Bush and Cheney congratulated them for demonstrating true American values.
NEWS ITEM OF THE DAY #2:
Bin Laden denies Maoussaoui story: Says he was never a part of 9/11/ plot.
So, was he a random loony tune telling us exactly what we wanted to hear? I’ve suspected that this was a possibility all along. Especially when he brought up the connection to Robert Reed during his trial. The likelihood that the two random loony tunes the government had managed to drag up to take the fall for 9/11 (to allow us to collectively exorcise our demons of 9/11 in a symbolic act of “justice”) actually were supposed to do a mission together was so incredibly remote that I clearly suspected he was just parroting back the government’s story for maximal martyr-ish mayhem. It just seemed so implausably convenient...sort of like Kevin Spacey's/Kaiser Soze narrative in "The Usual Suspects." Robert Reed was Maissaoui's "Kobayashi." Sure makes the one jurist who held out against the death penalty look good. Also, sadly, makes Bin Laden look like a genius (and the U.S. Government look like a bunch of keystone cops.)
I mean, every time Bin Laden makes a statement, he is delivering a meta statement. The manifest statement in this case was "The U.S. Government got it wrong. Maossaoui was not involved in the 9/11 plot. I am the decider. I decide. I know who was involved and who was not. And he was not." But the unspoken meta-statement was: "I am still at large...and getting larger. You have failed in your promise to get me dead or alive. And not only have you failed, but I m not even on the run or diminshed in any way. I have the freedom and power to get my messages safely to the media without being discovered and to hold the world captive as I smugly upstage your failed efforts to fight me and all that I represent."
Not a proud moment for the administration. But, again, a very proud moment for the dissident jurist and--by implication--the American judicial system.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I learned some lessons about expressing myself maybe in a little more sophisticated manner, you know," Bush said softly--acknowledging for the first time that some errors had been made in relation to the Iraqi War.
NOTE OF THE DAY:
Hmm. Note to Dubya: You might want to think about not just saying things in a more sophisticated way, but actually doing things in a more sophisticated way, you know? Like, say, giving the troops the right equipment. And like planning ahead a bit for all the things you'd been warned would happen. And, uh, making sure the promised funds actually went to Ground Zero and New Orleans and uh, well, you know...the whole DOING thing.
What was interesting (and unreported) was that the first time he tried to make that statement it came out as: "I learned some lessons about expresso-ing my self in a little more sophmoric way, you know." But the liberal media suppressed any reporting on the gaffe--in their collective refusal to let the story devolve into another innocuously dissmissable installment of the running series "Curious George And the Mother Tongue" and in their collective zeal to keep the president accountable for a change.
FIGHTING WORDS OF THE DAY:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060526/ap_on_re_eu/britain_galloway
British MP George Galloway said the assassination of Tony Blair would be morally justified--but made clear that he was not advocating said assassination. And let me be clear--(attention National Security Officers should you be screening this!) neither am I. And let me also be clear: This is not the part of the story that led me to grant it the eagerly sought "Fighting Words of the Day" status. This is:
In his magazine interview, Galloway claimed to been the best fighter at his school, and said he would like to go a few rounds with both Blair and Bush.
"I'd take them both at once," Galloway said.
"That's what really upsets me. They are the sort of men who are ready to fight to the last drop of other people's blood. They couldn't personally punch their way out of a paper bag. They send other mothers' sons to their death, and I find them both deeply repugnant," he said.
TEDDY VEGAS BRANDED INTERACTIVE POLL QUESTION OF THE DAY #2:
Which is the bigger exaggeration/lie?
Reagan won the cold war. Or Al Gore invented the Internet?
SUGGESTED BAND NAME OF THE DAY:
The hottie spinsters.
TATTOO IDEA OF THE DAY:
Tramp stamp tattoo at the base of the back: SPINSTER.
PAT ROBERTSON BIZARRE DISPUTED “FACTOID” OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: HIS CREDIBILITY)
If I heard God right, Pat Robertson said he has--at the tender age of 73-- leg pressed 2000 pounds.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060526/ap_on_re_us/robertson2000
2000 pounds! That's twice as much as any NFL football player has ever leg pressed. Damn, I have to get this Spiritual Hearing Aid adjusted. Oh, wait...now it's working better. Oh, I misheard him. What he was saying is "Dundering doodoo Pat Robertson will soon be crushed by a 2000 pound leg press as his so called spotters stand back and give each other evangelically righteous high fives."
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Remember after 9/11 all of us in New York were for a brief time taken out of our atomized, separate little worlds and united in a common drama that was bigger than ourselves? For once in our great city, we were all transparent to one another and-- black or white, rich or poor, young or old --we could instantly tell that we were thinking about the very same thing. Well, that remarkable feeling returned again last week. Only this time the thought was: Who's gonna win American Idol, Taylor or Katherine??
CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
I had written that thought down a few years ago with the punch line being "Reuben or Clay?" and have shamelessly repurposed it here. Upon reflection, it is much much better as Reuben or Clay. The names are much more memorable. And, in truth, it was a bigger cultural event back then that it is now.
SHORT FILM IDEA OF THE DAY: A BRIEF REBUTTAL OF THE THEORY OF KARMA.
A man in NYC is walking down the street. He takes the gum out his mouth and tosses it towards the trash can. It misses. Seeing the gum lying just beyond the curb and not wanting to have anyone experience the acute displeasure of stepping in it, the considerate pedestrian goes out into the street to pick it up. As he bends over to clean up the mess he has inavertently made, he is run over by a passing bus.
SIGN OFF OF THE DAY: (IN MEMORIAM: THIS POSTING.)
In Memoriam: This whole "In Memoriam" thing.
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Posted on 5/29/2006
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