END OF WEEK OFFLOAD

PITHY COMMENT OF THE DAY:

Ah the Internet…how did we ever manage to waste time before it?

ODYSSEY-LIKE EXPERIENCE OF THE DAY:
(Actually the night. Actually, about 30 nights ago, but I forgot to post it before now).

I bought tickets about 9 months ago to Spamalot in order to take my mother for her birthday. Anyhow, last night, was, finally the night. I get there after the anticipatory gestation period and find lo and behold, that a huge 400 pound woman is seated beside me. A veritable two seater. So huge that her excess flesh is protruding into my my air space. I have spent $125 for the seat. But I am only getting, at best, three-quarters of a seat. It’s not the kind of issue you can really address comfortably with the offending individual. But I sort of wonder if I’m entitled to a partial refund. I spend the whole evening leaning uncomfortably towards my mother. Yes, sandwiched between the Scylla and Charybdis of strange fat and oedipal awkwardness, Vegas opted for the latter.

QUESTION OF THE DAY:

A propos of Spamalot. Is it possible for a contemporary Broadway Musical to pander to neither the gays nor the Jews? I suppose that’s like asking if it’s possible for the KKK not to pander to racists or the Republican Party not to pander to the KKK? Hey, you’ve gotta stimulate your base. But still, it was a bit glaring. Especially the song about how in order for a show to make it to Broadway,” you’ve got to have Jews….you’ve got to have Jews…YOU’VE GOT TO HAVE JEWS!!!” As a Jew, it makes me a bit uncomfortable when Jews feel the need to bring attention to themselves as Jews. Strikes me as a bit immature and self-involved. Me? I’d rather just bring attention to myself rather than to my people. Me. Me. Me. Look at me. Now THAT’s evolved. Who wants to share credit with the whole tribe? ☺

CARTOON WITHOUT ILLUSTRATION #37

An obsessive compulsive woman on her death bed uttering her last words to her husband: “Honey, please check “die” off on my “To Do” list?”

BAD BUSINESS IDEA OF THE DAY:

Small and Short shops.

RANT OF THE DAY:

Evidently Pat Robertson claimed that Ariel Sharon’s stroke was divine punishment for “dividing god’s land.” I hate these dumb bible-happy freaks with their 20-20 scriptural hindsight, wrapping the lord’s will around the contingent developments of human experience. Like when those poor believers sang “Praise be to the Lord” when—due to the horrible communications error-- they heard that 12 of the 13 miners had survived. Well, did they then sing “Screw the Lord” when the communication error was corrected and they found out all their relatives were now dead? It's terrible and it's tragic but sometimes bad stuff happens--without meaning or moral. Deal with it. When Pat Robertson is felled by a stroke or a cancer or whatever it is he ends up being felled by, I really hope some one points out that it was god’s punishment for being an asshole.

DESCRIPTIVE METAPHOR OF THE DAY:

An air freshener in the bathroom after a dump is the olfactory equivalent of a bad toupee.

Tags:   None

© All rights reserved.

Posted on 1/6/2006 ( Permanent Link )
Read 396 Times
 Send to Friend