Nadir's nadir, SNL's return, Magnetic Fields, Talking Babies, Quipping usurists and the Curator of Ted

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME NEWS OF THE DAY: (SPOILER AHEAD)

Ralph Nader is running again?!?!?!? In the immortal words of John McEnroe: You cannot be serious!!! Does he have Aperger's? Does he have a death wish? Is he on McCain's payroll? One can only assume he'll get no traction and fade away as an electoral irrelevancy, but what is this guy thinking? Is he thinking "Hmm. There are still 17 people out there who remember me as a great consumer activist and agent of the public good. Let me erase that sordid legacy and make sure I am only remembered as a preeningly narcissistic, dangerously oblivious spoiler." His tone-deaf absolutism is actually rather fascinating. He seems genuinley incapable of perceiving (much less acknowledging) any meaningful difference between the visions that Obama and McCain are offering for America. Since in his estimation both are in the thrall of the corporate oligarchy, all differences between them are dismissed as superficial.

On a more pragmatic note: Where does he think he is going to get his support from? Obama enjoys huge popularity among the young idealists he thought he was appealing to the last couple of times around. And McCain has captured the affections of his other small constituency: Disgruntled elderly independents. (aka cantankerous grandpas).

Also, almost all of his ideas have already been championed and rejected in the course of this prolonged Democratic campaign. Kucinich advocated the same kind of single payer health care as Nader; Edwards the same brand of anti-corporate popularism. Hence, the idea that the electorate has been clamoring for this third anti-establishmentarian option is preposterous and transparently self-serving. Nader's ideas have already been presented and dismissed. So maybe he is more than simply a tone-deaf secular messiah. Maybe he is just a raving ego-maniac.

(Note: There is a weird similarity among Nader, Chomsky and Bobby Fisher to be explored at some point: All brilliant strangely affectless contextually tone-deaf difference-denying secular absolutists laboring under the tyranny of a highly questionable big idea. Although, in truth, Fischer labors no more. And may have just been plain old crazy. )

LFAQs of THE DAY:

What is more likely: The Knicks make it into the playoffs or Nader makes it onto the ballot?

Are there more black people at the average Magnetic Fields concert or white people at the average Nation of Islam benefit?

Would the normalization of U.S.-Cuban relations enhance or diminish the counter-cultural value of the unsanctioned trip I made there in 2000? Would that adventure assume more cachet for now being forever unrepeatable or less cachet for having drifted into the realm of historical irrelevance?

What‘s with Dallas/Ft Worth and president-related deaths? In the same day, Hillary's driver and guard was killed in a traffic accident while driving to pick her up and a story came out about guards ceasing to conduct weapons checks at an Obama rally an hour before he took the stage. Upon reading further, I learned that this was a common procedure at that venue. That they only check people in the front seating area. But hello Dallas/Ft/ Worth!! How far was the Texas Book Depository from Dealy Plaza? I guess they were just trying to honor Obama's Kennedy-esque stature in a uniquely down home Texan kind of a way.

How is it possible that the democratic candidate with the best track record and the best looking wife is routinely dismissed and ridiculed? Isn't this some violation of the laws of nature? I mean he's got the most consistent, morally unindictable record not only with respect to the war but with respect to the environment, health care, tax cuts for the rich etc. He is the exemplary progressive democrat. I used to just attribute the lack of respect he got to the fact that he was funny looking and short. OK. Fine. I would say to myself. Our society is incredibly and unapologeticaly superficial. Fine. But he's got the hottest wife too!!! By far!! So that argument goes out the window. In a superficial, primate society, doesn't having the most gorgeous wife trump being funny looking and short?!?!? Don't you say: "Damn!! Good for Dennis! Dennis may be annoyingly right on the issues and short and funny looking and have big ears...but DAMN...he must have something going on!!" What happened to primate logic? To simian heirarchy? To status by association? Jeeez. Ok, he's not rich enough. I forgot. Half joking aside: I am really stunned by the way people went teary eyed with gratitude at Edwards' graceful bow-out and praised him for having pushed the democratic debate towards the left. But when Dennis dropped out, there were no words of gratitude or praise...just the occasional snicker. Like "Who WAS that weird little guy. And who the hell invited him to the party?? And where the hell did he rent that amazingly hot "wife"???

Has anyone commented on the curious effeminacy of Owen Wilson's suicide attempt?

Have I apologized yet for my shameless self-promotion in my last posting? (I erased it from the electronic historical record in a paroxysm of self-recrimination.)

How many people saw the movie Half Nelson—a moving story about a coke and crack addicted white teacher in an inner city black school—and had the primary takeaway: “Damn. I wonder where I could score some coke!” (And just for the record: Although I was NOT one of them.)

Also wonder how many people left “Dancer in the Dark” thinking first and foremeost: “Damn…"My Favorite Things” is a really beautiful song.”

For how many people is September 11th primarily associated with something other than the WTC attacks? Like, say, a birthday. Or the American –aided overthrow of the democratically elected government of Allende by the Pinochet led military (9/11/1973). Or the discovery of a particularly nice new restaurant.

Who has a better shot at being shot: Obama or Nader?

How does one, with a single mis-step, end up on the far side of everything?

SNL COMMENT OF THE DAY:

It was good to have the gang back on TV last night. I have to admit, contrarian that I am, I took some real pleasure in their transparently pro-Hillary opening skit--in which her lucid and intelligent responses during a debate were dismissed by panelists (Anderson Cooper etc.) who were too busy offering quiveringly admiring Valentines to Obama. I thought it was pretty cool to see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler stand up for their girl. It does seem that there is a slight and unfortunate "blacks are cool, women aren't" vibe to the current campaign and it was nice to see some of the Cult of Obama exposed. That said: Teddy Vegas is still on the O train (man has it become chic and crowded! in here!!) even if he's giving his fellow passengers grief along the way.

Actually maybe the unfortunate current in the campaign is: "Half black is cool, half woman isn't."

Anyhow, Huckabee's cameo appearance was also pretty funny. He did well for himself...showing a refreshing comedic ease and ability to laugh at himself. He seems like a really likeable guy...aside from the messianic loony tunes stuff.

MUSICAL NOTE OF THE DAY:

Saw The Magnetic Fields in concert at Town Hall. Simply gorgeous stuff. Stephen Merrit is perhaps the most winning beautiful loser of them all. At times I wish they'd stop with the arch and clever lyrics (and between song patter) but I came to accept that it was simply expressive of their unease with the raw, heartbroken emotional truth of so many of their songs. It was the small price to pay for the experience of that beauty. Highlights were the irresistibly catchy and dark "Yeah Yeah Yeah" from "69 Love Songs" and the unforgettably gorgeous declaration of love "It's Only Time" from Stephen Merritt's solo album "i."

If you can sing the former song to another human being in earnest then you have most definitely been in the wrong relationship. If you can sing the latter song to another human being with a fullness of heart, then you have found your soul mate for life.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Hallmark/Westland Meat Packing company which had issued the largest recall in U.S. history, announced that they would probably not reopen.

"I don't see any way we could reopen," Magidow (the C.E.O.) was quoted as saying in a phone interview. "If the USDA wants payment back, we're dead meat. We're done."

I thought "dead meat" was a pretty choice choice of words.

NON POLITICAL ARGGG MOMENT OF THE DAY:

The unique rage-inducing effect of tripping on oversized galoshes while climbing the stairs and spilling hot coffee all over your hand and sleeve.

QUESTIONABLE MOVE OF THE DAY:

Lecturing my accountant on the meaninglessness of money and material acquisition. Then afterwards thinking: Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

CAREER UPDATE:

I've been moonlighting a bit as a quipping usurist. I keep trying to get people hooked on my services by offering free quips and small, interest-free loans. I'm peddling those puppies the way a pusher offers free samples of crack. All the while plying the tagline "Remember: Quipping is only half my job description. The other half is lending money at exorbitant rates!"

OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

It's a sign of extreme alienation when you are envious of yourself.

DANGLING DESCRIPTOR OF THE DAY:

It smells like a sandwich.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

People should spend less time focusing on their net worth and more time focusing on their net worthlessness.

OBSERVATION OF THE DAY: (A propos of the E-trade ads with the little baby buying stock online.)

Everyone loves a talking baby. Except, of course, a pedophile.

REFLECTION OF THE DAY:

As I try to assess why the feng shui of my new office is so terrible, it strikes me that it is designed to thwart all the things I like to do. Like hide, blog, read, nap etc.

JOB I SHOULD HAVE OF THE DAY:

I turn on Charlie Rose and see him interviewing a nice looking guy with a British (or is it Australian?) accent. The identifying graphic comes up. "Chris Anderson, Curator of Ted." The bastard has usurped my job! I am the curator of Ted!!! I am the Tsar of Teddydom!!!

Curator of Ted!!! Damn, that may well have displaced The Quipping Usurist as the new job title to which I aspire.

CURIOUS PHENOMENON OF THE DAY:

There is a lovely young woman where I work who announced about a year ago that she was leaving for a new job. I sent her a nice note and had a nice talk with her about her new adventure and gave her a heartfelt (or so it felt) hug goodbye. The next day, it was announced that the company had made her a last minute counter offer and she was staying. In any event, I bring this up because yesterday, after nearly a year's interval, I got another note that she was leaving for a new job. I went by her desk to congratulate her only to realize that I hadn't once spoken to her in the year since her previously announced departure. Strange the way absence calls us to presence.

DESCRIBED EPIPHANY OF THE DAY:

The magic writing pad (You know the old pads where you write, then lift to erase) of Manhattan had been erased for him too many times. Each street had so many faded layers of meaning and association; the perils of too many past lives and romances coming into being and dying out within the same basic geography. A change of venue might do him good.

PHRASE OF THE DAY: (Beside "Curator of Ted)

Yesterday, in a meeting with my financial advisor, (yes, i finally got one!), I signed something that says “There is no guarantee of future performance and there is always the possibility of complete loss.”

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