AD ABSURDUM

CAPITALISM AND EMPTINESS.

My Life. My Card. Amex.
I am what I am. Reebok.
Maintain your Identity. Saab. (The state of independence.)
In short, be yourself. With us.
You are you. The transparently vapid consumer tautology.
The final, infinitely empty, marketing premise.
You are you. Buy our product.

Also, while we're at it: The amusing bad faith of the pharmaceutical ads, in which horrendous side effects (internal bleeding, liver failure etc.) are presented in soothing, honey- voiced tones, as if they were special bonus prizes available for a limited time only with the purchase of the product. The absurdity of these exercises in cynical damage control (since they are legally obligated to devote 50% of the ad time to the downsides of the wonder drugs) are reminiscent of the Phillip Morris ads in which the company tries to win you over by delivering the breaking news that cigarettes can be harmful to your health and the only known way to minimize the pulmonary and cardiocascular risks associated with cigarette use is to stop smoking. But of course if you do choose to continue to kill yourself smoking, please do so with our quality line of tobacco products. Because, hey, we should get some kind of credit for complying with the law and telling you just how terrible our products are, right?

I think there should be a national advertising contest to see who can announce the apocalypse in the most soothing, consumer-friendly fashion. Cue the upbeat contemporary music...as a reassuringly maternal voice delivers the words "The four horsemen of the apocalypse rode into town today on the back of the Avian Flu...to take care of a little bit of business..."

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Posted on 10/31/2005 ( Permanent Link )
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