Wow...So Much for my resolution to Post More Frequently!

IDEA FOR AN ANNUAL LIST OF THE DAY:

In addition to a "Best Dressed" List, there should be a "Best Undressed" List. This could be comprised of people who one would want the pleasure of seeing undressed (in which case there might be a subtantial overlap with the people on the "Best Dressed" list) or, perhaps better, of people who have been seen in the the buff during that year in film scenes, paparazzi shots, inadvertent public displays etc. (I think porn stars should be excluded from the list as it would then be indistinguishable from the Adult Video Awards.)

COMMENT OF THE DAY:

"Wow. I can’t wait to miss it."


BRILLIANTLY STUPID ACTIVITY OF THE DAY: (As reported to me by a friend who co-invented it).

Two guys in the snow face each other. Keeping their eyes locked the entire time, they crouch down to form a snow ball, toss it high in the air directly above them and brace themselves for the impact. In 4 years of playing this game not a single snow ball hit either one of them. But the image of them out there, eyes locked in high anxiety, is straight out of Dumb Dumberer. Or actually, since they are both highly intelligent (otherwise), Smart and Smarterer.

POETIC FRAGMENT OF THE DAY:

Why so much inconsolable sadness?
There were such strange places so close to home.
He was a great real player but a lousy fantasy player.

A man can make no more sense of death than a dog can.

FOUND POEM OF THE DAY: Dignfied Detritus

Random stuff from desk:
Free Kobe.
With a snap on smile.
He brought sexy back prematurely. It was simply not ready for market.
Be on the lookout for the steady parkinson's gesture. It's ready to take off big.
It's not a fraudulent world but it's filled with frauds.
Say "Iranian uranium" 5 times fast.
He was a perfect cross between himself and someone else.
To be exiled from the native felicities; from the mortal share of grace.
I had you until about 40 words ago.

At some point all of this made sense to me.

OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

While it is true that one should never underestimate the longing of the human being to be free, it is also true that one should never underestimate the longing of the human being to be liberated from the burden of freedom.

POETIC FRAGMENT OF THE DAY:

Cleaning for a move.
Stumbling upon photos of lost youth and love.

They are snap shots. But they feel like body shots.

RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:

So empathic he broke his thumb playing fantasy basketball.

LFAQs of THE DAY:

Will liberals feel disoriented if we have a black president?

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Which is stronger: my desire to see peace in the middle east or my desire not to see it happen under Bush’s watch?

--

Out of the 30 beautiful brief case guardians on "Deal or No Deal", how many of them have responded to Howie Mandel's overtures with a "Deal" and how many have responded with a "No Deal"?


GUEST LFAQ OF THE DAY

Did Bill and Hillary have sex the night she won the NH primary and why is that so icky to even think about?


BUMPER STICKER IDEAS OF THE DAY:

My marriage devalues my marriage.

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Honk if you like honking.

PRODUCT IDEAS OF THE DAY:

Fat free fat.

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The global American Destruction Tour. Includes stops in Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Dresden, Nam, Cambodia, Bagdad etc.


NEW NAME FOR MY HAT OF THE DAY:

The suede toupee

NEWS STORY OF THE DAY:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080113/ap_on_re_us/killings_after_combat

"NEW YORK - At least 121 Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans have committed a killing or been charged in one in the United States after returning from combat, The New York Times reported Sunday.

The newspaper said it also logged 349 homicides involving all active-duty military personnel and new veterans in the six years since military action began in Afghanistan, and later Iraq. That represents an 89-percent increase over the previous six-year period, the newspaper said."

--

Should these figures be added to war casualties?

Is this a symptom of the hazards associated with ordering young men to kill without a clear moral framework for their actions? Or at least a clear rationale for the war? (Or, as the administration will no doubt allege, would these people have killed anyhow?)

REFLECTION OF THE DAY:

The elusive nature of the associative link. Particularly in dreams. How often the thought that triggers a whole new scene or idea cannot be recalled. As if it had to be forgotten for the new scene to be imagined. Or as if its shape had been unrecognizably changed in the process. Perhaps even subjected to some irreversible topological transformation. For some reason, I am thinking at the moment of the link thought as a ribbon tied into a bow. In order to enter the package that it contains, the bow must be untied. Or maybe the thought is a door that, once passed through, merges with the walls of the next room and cannot be found. Or maybe the image is of a catalyst in chemistry: something that triggers a reaction but is transformed and subsumed by the reaction it causes. Now what in the world got me thinking about all this stuff? Hmm. I simply can't remember. I scan my mind for the motivating thought, but none can be found.

Oh wait...what's that little piece of ribbon doing there? Or wait...wasn't there a door?

DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY:

He's medicated himself into a stable relationship.

PEEVE OF THE DAY:

Voice Activation must die. At least public acts of Voice Activation. Just more social permission for people to flap their gums. To litter the airwaves with their inane gestures of self importance.

P.S. OF THE DAY:

Sorry to all my friends and readers I have offended.

FACTOID OF THE DAY:

The ratio of pharmaceutical advertising and lobbying dollars to research dollars: 2 to 1.

PHENOMENON OF THE DAY:

Being torn between the aggressive spectacle of smash mouth NFL playoff football and the rivetting unmasculinity of the Ira Glass's voice on NPR.

CONSUMER OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

Well, I proved the pundits wrong and got my Samsung 40" big screen HD TV up and running before the Super Bowl. And I've gotta say: It's quite an experience. The heightened clarity and detail creates a far more convincing simulation of reality and has the result of making you even more vacuous and retarded as a viewer than a normal TV does! I really felt stoned after watching it for a few hours. And I noticed that my distinguished guests also had a slightly glazed look as well.

Highlights:

Seeing steam pouring off the bald white head of one of the football players after he'd removed his helmet. Vivid.

Seeing the untweezed hairs between Jim Lehrer's eyebrows with unprecedented clarity.

Lowlights: (Below)

NOTES FROM THE JOURNAL OF MOURNING:

I saw a commercial for Samsung featuring a guy who'd bought the exact same TV that I was watching for his father. While it was sort of cool to be seeing someone watching his new 40" Samsung HD TV on my new 40" Samsung HD TV, it was rather disturbing that it was about a guy watching TV with his father...and the commercial falseness of the representation of that relationship felt like a (super vivid, 1080 lines per inch) desecration of the loss I'm still experiencing every day.

--

Shocked, haunted by loss. Primordial sadness oozing from the root system of memory. What was there is no longer. I am a partial amputee.

RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY #2:

He spent the better part of his life bracing for a blow that never came.

CONFESSION OF THE DAY:/CRY FOR HELP OF THE DAY:

Last night --perhaps in a desire to buffer myself from the pains and stresses of reality, perhaps out of true passion and desire-- i spent no less than 6 1/2 hours clicking my computer at 5 second intervals to get play by play updates of the full slate of performances by my NBA fantasy team players. There were highs and lows. Frenzies of statistical bounty followed by troubling numerical lulls. I was rivetted on a second to second basis. There was a heightened sense of possibility--reminiscent of a night in Vegas. Actually, a heightened sense of possibility next to which a night in Vegas might well feel like a letdown. But at the end of the night I emerged from the intensity of local statistical combat to see the broader picture and discovered that my team had actually slipped in the standings relative to my head-to-head opponent. I suddenly felt like I'd completely wasted my time-in full knowledge of the fact that had I actually gained ground in the standings, I would have been savoring the night's activities in hindsight and felt like I'd spent the night in a really productive manner.

PROOF THAT I AM NOT A RATIONAL CREATURE OF THE DAY:

I lost a substantial percentage of my net worth in the stock market this week and yet cared far more about my performance in a rotisserie fantasy basketball league with only the tiniest fraction of the aforementioned losses on the line.

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE DAY:

The water in my building was shut off yesterday between 8 a.m. and noon. I know it was building wide because a note was posted the previous day warning all the tenants about this unavoidable development. Anyhow, at around 11 a.m., I left the bulding and bumped into a neighbor of mine who was also on her way out. I said "Bummer about the water situation, huh?" or something to the effect. And she clearly had no idea what I was talking about. I clarified: "You know...the water is shut off until noon." She improvised something like "Oh, right." Then halfway down the block she must have recognized the hygienically questionable implications of her ignorance and she yelled back "Oh, actually, my water is working."

CURIOUS PSYCHO-SEXUAL PHENOMENA OF THE DAY:

The male serial cuddler.

The precocious cougar.

GOAL OF THE DAY:

To validate his membership in the chattering class.

DESCRIPTOR OF THE DAY:

Fascinatingly bland.

POLITICAL IRONY OF THE DAY:

Guiliani says immimgrants must speak English but he airs political ads in Spanish.

MEDIA COMMENT OF THE DAY:

I love The Jim Lehrer Nightly News Hour. Its low production values but elevated human values seem a wonderful corrective to the near ubiquity of the opposite phenomenon. People just discussing serious things in a sober way on a bare and spare set. A wonderfully dignifying tonic for the soul in this overproduced mindlessly consumeristic age. Speaking of which: I love the fact that the Golden Globes Award Show was cancelled (qua spectacle) as a result of the writer's strike and reduced to the reading of a list of winners. That officially makes it my favorite awards show ever. An awards show for exhibitionists that fails to exhibit them. An award show freed of the pretense of humility and highmindedness. An awards show liberated from the spectacle of communal self-congratulation. OK, I'd better stop. I'm getting too excited.

CONTRADICTION OF THE DAY:

I believe all of the above and yet I just bought a 40" LCD HD TV. (I guess so I can see the hair growing out of Jim Lehrer's ears.)

MORTAL REFLECTION OF THE DAY:

When you are in a serious relationship, you are major stars (perhaps even central suns) in each other's psychological skies. Planetary bodies around which you reciprocally orbit. But after you break up, your cosmology undergoes a slow but profound transformation--such that your ultimate demise may very well be registered by the former lover as nothing more that a small light being snuffed out in some distant corner of the sky.

TRAGICOMIC OBIT OF THE DAY:

Milt Dimpler passed away today. No cause of life was given.

SINGLE SENTENCE RANDOM PORTRAIT OF THE DAY #3:

His sensibility could be described as pre-adolescent meets post-moral; as innocence and depravity intertwined. (This, by the way, is slightly different from the man who was equal parts St. Augustine and Al Goldstein.)

APOLOGY OF THE DAY:

I haven't been doing a good job of making good on the New Year's Resolution I made in my last post.

REVISED RESOLUTION OF THE DAY:

Shorter but more frequent posts.

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Posted on 1/24/2008 ( Permanent Link )
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