Blog
|
|
|
Archives
May, 2008April, 2008March, 2008February, 2008January, 2008
December, 2007December, 2006December, 2005November, 2007November, 2006November, 2005October, 2007October, 2006October, 2005September, 2007September, 2006August, 2007August, 2006July, 2007July, 2006June, 2007June, 2006May, 2007May, 2006April, 2007April, 2006March, 2007March, 2006February, 2007February, 2006January, 2007January, 2006
|
|
My Bookmarks
|
| |
|
|
|
|
 FIRST
|
PREVIOUS
|
1 - 5 of 160 |
 NEXT
|
LAST
|
FILE IT UNDER "UH, NO": ITEM OF THE DAY:
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. - Former Sen. George McGovern, who backed Hillary Rodham Clinton, is urging her to drop out of the Democratic presidential race.
McGovern said Wednesday he has decided to endorse Barack Obama. After watching the returns from the North Carolina and Indiana primaries Tuesday night, McGovern says it's virtually impossible for Clinton to win the nomination.
McGovern says he is calling former President Clinton to tell him of the decision AND ADDS THAT HE REMAINS CLOSE FRIENDS WITH THE CLINTONS. (Caps Mine).
LFAQs of the DAY:
Where will they find McGovern's body? What will the Clintons' alibi be?
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to lend yourself $6.4 Million?
When did Hillary become Bush? When did she become the cocksure, unapologetic, belligerent, reality-denying, debt-financed blue collar millionaire candidate you want to have a beer with?
Will Hillary stay in the Presidential race straight through the next administration?
If Hillary forces herself upon Obama as VP (as rumor has it she intends to) , how many extra body guards will he have to hire in the White House?
Was it all downhill since I left or did the party just get started?
On the occasion of Israel’s 60th birthday: Who is aging more gracefully: Israel or Bill Clinton?
How do you act like Christopher Walken without sounding like Christopher Walken?
Is there an opposite of Schadenfreude? And if so, is it empathy, jealousy or something else?
I saw a commercial that said "We don;t make comrpomises. We make Saabs." Then I saw one that said "We don't make compromises. We make Marines." So, are Marines Saabs? And if not, should the Marines' tagline be changed to "We don't make compromises. Or, for that matter, very original commercials"
Could an invisible car still run you over?
ONION-ESQUE (SHALLOT LIKE) HEADLINE OF THE DAY THAT UNFORTUNATELY TURNED OUT TO BE REAL:
Bush predicts the economy is going to 'come on'
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080503/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush
CURIOUS LINGUISTIC OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
Open is an anagram for Nope.
PROPOSED BAND NAME OF THE DAY:
Thumb and Mouse
RANDOM PROPOSAL OF THE DAY:
The expression "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" evidently derives from a time when horses were often given as gifts and it was considered rude to check the horse's teeth to see how old it was. (Teeth being a reliable indicator of equine age as they continue to grow over the horse's lifespan. Hence the expression, "Long in the tooth." ) My random proposal: Temporarily replace the phrase "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" with "Never look a gift uncle in the prostate."
MOTTO OF THE DAY: (Which I can't remember if I'm repeating).
It never hurts to say "thank you" unless, of course, you have a broken jaw.
AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE DAY:
Went to see the Chris Rock at MSG this weekend with a friend. Before hand, we had dinner across from the Garden at a nice little bar/restaurant. After dinner, my friend went into the Men's room to pee. About a minute later, I decided I needed to pee as well. When I arrived, he was just finishing up washing his hands. I assumed my position at the urinal, and said "I'm psyched. This is gonna be fun." (referring, of course, to the concert.) As I said it, I turned to notice that my friend had already left the men's room and another guy had just entered--to the curious spectacle of a man standing at a urinal alone saying to no one in particular "I'm psyched. This is gonna be fun!"
CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
Not sure if I mentioned this before, but excuse the repetition if I did. Anyhow, of the grab bag of talents I've been given in this life, one of the most impressive is one i'm not very proud of--and one which stands in some dissonance with my sense of myself as a self-respecting heterosexual male: It's my ability to pick clothing for women. Yup. There it is. I'm a "Color Me Beautiful" kind of a guy. I can instantly tell what colors and styles will look good on a given woman and have often (to my partial emasculation) been asked to provide these services for shopping women friends. Then, of course, I always do something compensatorily (alert: made up word). macho like eat 10 hot dogs in 5 minutes or attempt to burp the entire alphabet.
POIGNANTLY IRONIC QUOTE AND ATTRIBUTION OF THE DAY:
"People Never Die Until They Are Forgotten"
– Unknown
Which is to say:
"People Never Die Until They Are Forgotten"
– Forgotten and hence Dead Person
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Death, like God, while ultimately nameless and faceless, wears a different name and face all the time.
SKETCH IDEA OF THE DAY:
A guy who is powerless to control his impulse to do a bad impression of Christopher Walken. He is apologizing to his wife for falling back into this behavior that he knows she hates. He explains that he simply can't help himself. He can't stop doing it ever since he saw a repeat of the SNL episode that Christopher Walken hosted. He delivers his apology in his bad Christopher Walken voice and--and here's the kicker--he delivers it as if reading off cue cards (as Walken did throughout that otherwise stellar SNL episode.) He tells her about the support he's getting though his visits to the 12 step program Imitators Anonymous. And he promises to call his sponsor. ( "A lovely guy with an Al Pacino problem." Just terrible. Poor guy can't stop yelling "Hua.") Hijinx ensues.
OBSERVANCE OF THE DAY:
May 6. Childhood idol Willie Mays' birthday and the day my parents told me they were getting a divorce, a million years ago. I wrote about it last year, at the end of the post below.
http://teddyvegas.blogspot.com/2007/05/greetings-from-sunny-teddy-santa-monica.html
To save you a click, I'll copy and paste the relevant section:
May 6. Today is the 35th anniversary of the day my parents told me they were getting divorced. I was 11. It was a pretty world-shattering event for me--at the cusp of adolescence and all. I remember the date for that reason and for the fact that it was the birthday of my favorite baseball player and childhood idol Willie Mays. What do I remember from that day? Tossing a baseball with my brother in front of my house as my dad came home after his walk from the train station. We were excited that he would be coming home soon and hoping that he'd join us in the game of catch. He made a few perfunctory throws and catches and then went inside. Then my mother and father called me and my brother inside. We were a bit late in responding and they brusquely repeated the order to end our game and join them. They sat us down on the couch in the living room and my mother was on one chair and my father on another--a little farther away. We were a bit surly--bracing for some kind of lecture about disobeying our parents or something. I remember noticing that my father was wearing sunglasses inside--which struck me as odd. But not odd enough to change my assumption that we were going to get yelled at for something. Then my mother said "Your father and I are going to get separated."
Like for good?
Possibly.
Suddenly there was crying and screaming and I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room. My mother followed me but I locked her out of my room. My father started sobbing and screaming upstairs "I told you we shouldn't have told them." Then he came upstairs and told me that he still loved me and would always love me. And I could smell his grown-up breath. Then later, my mother started singing "We Shall Overcome." on her autoharp and tried to get us to join her. My father's birthday is March 8 and my mother's is May 19 and I remember thinking that it was somehow unfair to my mother that she'd already bought my father his birthday present for the year and now wouldn't be getting one from him. My god: I was really a child once. In my parents' house.
35 years ago. Amazing.
---
Particularly poignant for me this year, now that this primal memory of parental separation has been colored by the final separation of parental death.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
His main goal in life was to have his efforts and contributions entirely unreflected in the Gross National Product.
Tags:
None
© All rights reserved.
Posted 23 hours ago
(
Permanent Link
)
Read 30 Times
 Send to Friend
|
NARRATIVE OF THE DAY: Following Philip Roth.
So I am walking north on Columbus, thinking about the pair of shoes—a pair of really, really nice shoes-- I have just seen in a store with the model name "Narrative." I am thinking: "Note to Self for Blog. Object of Desire of the Day: A shoe called Narrative. Maybe elaborate that into some little narrative about the death (or at least declining prestige) of narrative. And maybe an LFAQ: Would I desire the shoes quite as much if they did not sport a name with such theoretical cachet--knowing my predeliction for possessing ideas or concepts rather than objects. (Hence my collection of random domain names.)?" So, in any event, I'm walking up Columbus, thinking about a shoe called Narrative, when who do I see pass but that Professor of Desire and narrative himself, Philip Roth. Yup. Philip Freaking Roth. Plain as day--sporting a navy blue blazer and grey pants and walking sort of stiffly, his arms hanging, it seems, ever so slightly asymmetrically--the right one a bit lower than the left. Needless, to say, I immediately stop my reflections about a shoe called Narrative and turn around to follow in the famous narrator's footsteps.
He turns off of Columbus ("Goodbye, Columbus", I think to myself) and onto 72nd St. No one else seems to recognize him--ah blessed anonymity (or at least discretion) of NY--so much so that I am momentarily concerned that I have stumbled upon a mere lookalike. An accountant doppelganger. My doubts are put to rest when a husky red haired man sporting multiple Tip Top Shoe bags and some dry cleaning effusively accosts him. The man, looking like a cross between Michael Moore and Drew Carey and sounding a bit like the chubby guy in Superbad, thanks him "for everything...for everything" and tells him some story I can't make out about a friend who writes for the New Yorker that must in some way be a propos. Phillip Roth thanks him--looking genuinely interested and appreciative. When he bids adieu and is about to pass me (I have been standing still, slightly past them on the street, watching the exchange), it is all I can do to repress my impulse to say "I am the real Coleman Silk” and I end up offering a simple "High regards" --a pithy statement of appreciation for which he seems again genuinely appreciative. (As much, I suspect, for the brevity as for the sentiment.)
But where is he going, I wonder? And don't I owe it to myself or at least to my blog to find out? After all--this is NEWS! This is the kind of thing that can get me big hits when people Google "Philip Roth New York City" –so long as I remember to mention it in my posting title! This is what I’ve learned from the Tonto Kowalski episode. So I continue to follow him --at discreet private eye distance--west on 72nd St. where, again totally unrecognized, he peeks with a sort of brusque, peckish interest at the Shining Star Deli, Tip Top Shoes, Flix Video and a few other neighborhood establishments.
Philip Roth turns north on Amsterdam and, half way up the block, I hit a crisis point in my narrative. There, I see evidence that the long awaited event has arrived: A Chipotle Grill has opened in my hood. I am thrilled to make this discovery –but am suddenly being forced to choose between my identity as vigilant investor and irrepressible brand enthusiast and my identity as committed blogger and literary stalker. O cruelty of such abundance! Ultimately, I figure the Philip Roth thing has a bit more urgency and color to it (indeed, makes a better narrative if not a better burrito) and I resolve to return to the Chipotle later—to welcome them to the 10023 and ask about the briskness of business.
Meanwhile, the famous writer strides on. As I follow the creator of Portnoy, Zuckerman and the Swede north on Amsterdam (and it does strike me that all of those characters and their memorably articulated worlds sprang from within the half naked cranium a few paces in front of me), I begin to wonder more about his ultimate destination. Is he on his way to lunch? To get a bunion removed? To a mid-day assignation? Then, with regard to this last conjecture, I think: Did he really suffer impotence as a result of a prostate surgery operation or was that just the character that he wrote about in The Human Stain or American Pastoral or whichever one it was? As I watch him peer, improbably, into the Candle Bar (a local gay establishment) and, less improbably, into the Chirping Chicken, I also begin to wonder if, curiosity-deficient as I am, there is any other famous male I’d be interested in following for more than a block? Maybe a few sports stars (Steve Nash, Pedro, Roger Federer and John McEnroe come to mind) just to size them up and see if I could take them. :) But in the non-sports realm, I’m coming up empty. Let me leap ahead to say that, in the course of the entire walk and the subsequent 2 days since, I was only able to come up with Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen for sure and Jean-Luc Godard and Don Delillo for maybe. The list of women, needless to say, would be substantially longer --beginning with, and in no way restricted to, Charlize Theron, Natalie Portman and Jennifer Connely. Of course, the list of lovelies for whom I’d be (STALKER ALERT STALKER ALERT) willing to go a block or two out of my way is in no way restricted to celebrities. But I digress (and, yes, stalk). Anyhow, back to the narrative present and, as it were, my original digression/stalking. I am following the scrivening septuagenarian and finding myself impressed by his vigor. Indeed, though I seem to remember that he’s had some major health problems in the last few years, the old literary lion is walking at a rather healthy clip and, in truth—and to my embarrassment—I am actually finding myself getting a bit winded trying to keep up with him. (Would he still be so spry if he were wearing a shoe called Narrative instead of his Merrills?)
As we reach W. 77th St. on this lovely Saturday afternoon, I see some kippa-clad orthodox Jews out on the street doing startled double takes. (Which reminds me for a moment—a bit incongruously-- of the old holocaust survivors in Marathon Man recognizing the Nazi torturer played by Laurence Olivier as he walked through the diamond district). One man, pushing a baby carriage with his wife, leaves her to run ahead of the great writer then suddenly stops and, casting all tact to the wind, turns around to gawk. Then he allows the writer to pass and, safely gathered in his wake (and in my way), emphatically whispers and points with his wife and friends. This pantomime of passing and peering then falling behind to whisper, gawk and point repeats a few times until it hits me that this is truly "Sabbath's Theater." For a moment, I start to worry that this little walk of indeterminate length and uncertain destination will end up providing dramatizations of every title in his oeuvre. Oy. I hope my legs can hold out.
Phillip Roth turns east on 79th shadowed by Teddy Vegas and an ever growing caravan of gawking yids. I start wondering: Is he aware that he is being followed by a strange bearded guy…and, if so, what story is he telling himself about me? I am reflecting on the strange ghostly relationship between a writer and his “life," on the curious phenomenon of being winded chasing a 74 year old and on the fact that we are about to hit Columbus Avenue again (“Hello Columbus”) when the object of my interest suddenly and unceremoniously gives me the slip--disappearing into the Austin apartment building and resuming his status as a textual rather than a physical presence in my life.
"Exit Ghost."
LFAQs of THE DAY:
Has any all time great athlete aside from OJ ever suffered a greater post-career loss of prestige than Isiah?
What famous person would you most like to discreetly stalk for a few blocks?
Would I get more hits if I had entitled the posting "Phillip Roth's Address in NYC?"
Would I have sullied my bloggeristic dignity by so doing?
Who knew you had to tip the bathroom attendant at Fiddlesticks?
(Apropos of the Obama Elitism charges): Haven't we confused competency with elitism?
Or have we actually started to confuse sentience with elitism?
OLFACTORY OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
The Time Warner AOL center. It smells like the fancy hotels in Vegas. And the malls in Miami. And the airports in the Caribbean. It’s the universal perfume of buying. The scent of consumption
CULTURAL CRITIQUE OF THE DAY:
Cupcakes are the new yuppie art form. What we have chosen to do with our unprecedented surplus of capital and possibility? Make sugary, buttery treats.
CELEBRITY TRIANGULATION OF THE DAY:
Richard Jenkins (The Father in Six Feet under) in the new movie "The Visitor:"
Bob Newhart,
Rudy Guiliani
David Boise.
DRUNKEN QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:
“I want to have a threeway with you and those 4.”
DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY: (In Re: My friend's real estate agency).
La Cage Aux Folles meets Glengarry Glenross.
AMUSING OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
In the credits to the aforementioned film ("The Visitor"), I was struck by the fact that the role of Sprinkles the Dog was played by Walter the Dog.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
Listening to her talk is like being in a car with someone who is trying to learn to use a stick shift.
Tags:
None
© All rights reserved.
Posted 10 days ago
(
Permanent Link
)
Read 135 Times
Send to Friend
|
POLITICAL COMMENTS:
Well, the Pennsylvania Primary went pretty much exactly as everyone expected it would. Neither changing nor resolving anything and simply extending the agony. It did, unfortunately, help remind people of the unfortunate recalcitrance of the race issue. In exit polls, 13% of Pennsylvania voters acknowledged that race was a factor in determining who got their vote--with 75% of those 13% voting for Hillary. If 13% openly admit that race was a factor, one can only assume--given the stigma of such an admission--that the true percentage for whom it figured prominently is much higher. Assuming he wins the nomination (which remains the only reasonable assumption), Democrats will ultimately be reduced to hoping that ageism trumps racism as a factor influencing voters. Which is all pretty sad and sordid considering this is a campaign based on hope, unity and the common concerns that transcend our differences. It seems like while the rhetoric will remian, "we are not red states and blue states, we are the United States of America", the underlying political reality will be "we are not red states and blue states, but the racially, chronologically, demographically, ethnically, economically and sexually stratified and separate voting blocks of America."
At the end of the Day, I sort of get a kick out of Hillary's irrepressible cheesiness.
GOAL OF THIS EARTH DAY:
To decrease my carbon footprint but increase my jargon footprint.
LFAQs:
Has any creature ever lost more status through an act of renaming than the mystical ancient Egyptian scarab who is now known as the dung beatle?
Is Chipotle the only company in the world to begin its earnings report with a reference to Michael Pollan's book "In Defense of Food?"
Is Hillary using Bin Laden's image in scare tactic negative ads against Obama even more objectionable than the Republicans doing so? Will she "slip" at least once and refer to him as Osama before conceding the nomination? Or will it be during her concession speech?
Why has George W. Bush appeared on "Deal or No Deal?" more often than he has on Meet the Press or Charlie Rose? (Bad question: Answer too obvious.)
Better question: Was the prestige and dignity of the Presidency sullied by George W. Bush's appearance on "Deal or No Deal?" or was the prestige and dignity of "Deal or No Deal?" sullied by the appearance of George W. Bush? (Sorry, again, bad question: Answer too obvious.)
When Obama finally gets the nomination and Hillary makes the obligatory offer to campaign for him and Obama makes the obligatory acceptance of her offer, will she try to subtly undermine his campaign in the interests of making another run in 2012?
MEDIA MOMENT (AND EXPLANATORY FOOTNOTE) OF THE NIGHT:
Charles and Kenny in the post game show saying that Çharles was changing his name to Tonto Kowalski and both giggling like schoolboys to the mystification of Ernie and, I suspect, most of the TNT audience. Well, if you are among the mystified, let Teddy V. break down the puerile proceedings for you. You see, chuckling Charles must have just been told the old joke about a man sitting next to an attractive woman on a plane who turns out to be an expert on human sexuality. She claims that in her years of research she has discovered that the most sensitive and attentive lovers are the native Americans but the best endowed are the Polish. Then she says, "By the way, my name is Sara. What's yours?
"Tonto," the man replies. "Tonto Kowalski."
NEW ALIAS FOR MYSELF IN HONOR OF TONTO KOWLAKSI:
Red Bull Jewski.
OTHER ALIASES INSPIRED BY TONTO KOWALAKSI:
Tecumseh Kaminski
Pontiac Grotowski
Crazy Horse Walesa
Sitting Bull Milosz
Ronkonkoma Hebrewski
CONCEPT OF THE DAY:
The feckless stalker. He is so erratic, inefficient and downright inept at his craft that he only manages to see his stalkee once every few years--usually at a class reunion.
Or maybe it's just the slacker stalker--with absolutely no work ethic or commitment to his chosen pursuit.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
He kept confusing his fake arrogance with his fake humility.
TRIBUTE OF THE DAY:
To J.--In Memoriam.
Another light has been put out in the imaginary sky. We raise a glass of champagne in your memory. May you rest in peace.
Tags:
None
© All rights reserved.
Posted 14 days ago
(
Permanent Link
)
Read 302 Times
Send to Friend
|
POLITICAL COMMENT OF THE DAY:
(A propos of all the "bitterness" and "elitism" charges, the inane questioning and the political posturing at the Democratic debate.)
The candidates' outrage is totally manufactured but the media's fatuousness and the pundits' cluelessness seem totally sincere.
PASSOVER REFLECTION OF THE DAY:
I detect among my Jewish friends a subtle sense of enslavement to the ritual that commemorates their emancipation from slavery.
TECHNOLOGICAL OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
What was most impressive about his screenplay was that he was able to write something so creative on a Dell and not a Mac.
COMMMENT ON RELIGION OF THE DAY:
(Prompted by the visit of the Pope and with all apologies to my religiously observant readers--whose practices and relationship to religious authority I suspect I would have no problem with.)
I have nothing against religious leaders. But I do have a problem with religious followers.
SENTENCE OF THE DAY:
If i didn't know any better i'd think you were trying to give me a heteronormative look.
CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
I just woke up this morning with an urge to use the word "heteronormative." (Yesterday, it was "apodictic.")
SPECTACLE OF THE DAY:
People on the Bill Maher show looking at Cornell West like the people in the crowd look at the Improv Everywhere performances I talked about the other day---their expectations undermined...their faces reflecting bafflement, shock, amusement, appreciation etc...Improv Everywhere should do a segment called Cornell West Everywhere where they just film the faces of the people who are listening to him talk.
LFAQs of THE DAY:
Is Tiger Woods' knee surgery just a ploy to get golf some cred as a sport?
Can you be precociously decrepit?
Who is the world's oldest prodigy?
Is there anything sadder than a guy who lies about winning his fantasy league and who wears his invisible fraudulent crown pretending to be the champ?
Wait...did you think that that was a confession?!?!?
DIALOGUE ON FANTASY HOOPS:
GUY 1: Congrats on winning the championship.
GUY 2: Thanks. I'm ashamed to admit I'm actually feeling pretty proud of myself. But I'll miss it. Fantasy hoops is a very pleasurable time waster.
GUY 1: Seriously, my life would be so much emptier and productive without fantasy everything.
GUY 2: Yeah, it's like election night every night. You just go home all excited and wait for the results to start coming in. I mean, I spent many nights just jumping from electronic boxscore to electronic boxscore...watching my guys' stats accumulate.
GUY 1: I live for the day game and the refresh button.
GUY 2: Brilliantly put. I forced myself--against all inclination--not to do fantasy baseball too. Because I knew it would be the end of every human relationship and every productive pursuit in my life. And you know what: I kind of regret it. :)
GUY 1: i joined 2 leagues just to burn the bridge of humanity.
GUY 2: I am so jealous. I admire your commitment to solipsism. And ironically …I'm the one who feels like, the big loser.
OXYMORONIC TAPE LOOP FROM HELL OF THE DAY:
Your call is very important…please hold for prompt assistance.
STYLE OF THE DAY:
Dignified yet ho-ish.
PEEVE OF THE DAY:
The Pope's benediction at Yankee stadium pre-empting the Denver-Lakers playoff game. Why should someone else's religion upstage my own?
RANDOM TRIAD OF THE DAY:
The white rat, knitting and immortal sadness
GUEST CONTRIBUTION OF THE DAY:
Seder notes from correspondent at Large Loren Parkins.
73 people, allegeldy all members of my family, gathered at the Westmorland Country Club ( exclusiv for Jews) for the first night of Passover. It was a bit of a circus! However great to see my many first cousins, my one remaining Aunt (Aunt Sally, the youngest of the 10 Neplotnik brothers and sisters that made it to this country, only leaving 2 brothers behind because they were in Military service (uncle Yasha.& uncle Ytsaak. Unles Harry David Leo Maurice Arthur aunts Judy Goldie and the only remaining live aunt or uncle first generation is Aunt Sally. Of those ten they then had 2 or 3 kids whom make up my roster of first cousins. I almost got cought up with all of their names when they started having kids. Now I feel like Ilm at a jewish mixer trying to fake my way in a conversation with some one who appears to know who I am.
MANDITORY READING OF THE DAY:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/20/magazine/20wwln-lede-t.html?em&ex=1208923200&en=76d14e551d4461fb&ei=5087
Michael Pollan's article in the Green issue of the New York Times Sunday Magazine.
NOTE TO SELF OF THE DAY:
Write an elegy for the long saved, inadvertently erased voicemail messages.
And a blurb about Denis Johnson's "Tree of Smoke."
And maybe also about "My kid could Paint That" and/or "In Bruges."
And set up the damn computer you bought six months ago.
And, wait...there was some other thing. Oh yeah. Figure out what you want to do with your life.
MEDITATION ON TIME AND LOSS OF THE DAY:
Strange to have played a leading role in what will have turned out to have been her pre-history--the time not recorded in the official record--the story before the story of her life began.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
He could use some Flomax cause he got no flow.
Tags:
None
© All rights reserved.
Posted 18 days ago
(
Permanent Link
)
Read 170 Times
Send to Friend
|
CELEBRITY RESEMBLANCE TRIANGULATION OF THE DAY: (Back after long absence and not exactly by popular demand.)
Subject: Jack Johnson.
And the vertices of this similitude scalene are:
OJ Simpson
Jeremy Piven
Val Kilmer (the eyes!!).
SIGN OF END TIMES OF THE DAY:
There was no line at Trader Joe’s
THOUGHT EXPERIMENT OF THE DAY:
Imagine a dog or a kid in New York City named Honk. Actually not the word "Honk" but the unspellable sound of a honk.
MORE INTERESTING THOUGHT EXPERIMENT OF THE DAY:
OK, so Monte Hall says you can pick door number 1, 2 or 3. There's a goat behind two of the doors and a new car behind the third. You pick a door and then he opens one of the two doors you did not select to reveal a goat standing behind it. Now he asks you: Would you like to swap the door you've selected for the remaining door. Every fiber in your being will insist that there is no benefit to swapping the door you've chosen for the one you're now being offered. That the revelation that a third door was not the winning door should have no possible impact on the relative likelihoods of either of the two remaining doors being right or wrong. And yet, in flagrant defiance of both one's intuition and one's sense of logic, it turns out that it is in fact in your interest to swap your selection for the other door. This is called the Monte Hall problem and it is a famous--and famously maddening-- probability problem.
OBSERVATIONS OF THE DAY:
a)
There is always a last time for everything.—although we are rarely blessed or cursed with knowing when it is happening.
b)
Dried plums taste an awful lot like prunes.
ENTERTAINING MEDICALLY RELATED ACTIVITIES OF THE DAY:
a) Proposed Social Event:
Blood pressure party. (Where everyone gets their blood pressure taken and then does various things to see if they can make it go up or down.)
b) New signature gesture.
Leaving Lipitors out on your desk like jelly beans in case anyone wants one.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I wish every day was Wednesday."
--d.b.
PROVOCATIVE MAGAZINE COVER OF THE DAY: (On this month's Atlantic Monthly)
Is Israel Finished?
DANGLING CLAUSE OF THE DAY:
And I say that with full respect for your thwarted heterosexuality.
SUCKY NEWS OF THE DAY:
I've rebroken my thumb in the exact same place as last time. On a nearly identical play. Strange to say, but my Achilles Heel is my thumb.
ALMOST COMPENSATORILY GOOD NEWS OF THE DAY:
I ended up getting the steal on that final play and our team won the game.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE DAY:
That if this post were a meal, it would be mostly condiments and dessert and lamentably little protein or vegetable.
COOLEST THING EVER OF THE DAY:
50 people spontaneously freeze for 5 minutes during rush hour in Grand Central Station--and then resume their activities as if nothing had happened. It's not just an interesting thought experiment. It's the work of Improv Everywhere (go to youtube.com and do a search for them)--a public performance art collective. Their carefully conceived and expertly executed interruptions of the ordinary are really inspired--ranging from 80 men and women showing up at a Best Buy in blue shits and khakis (the store worker uniform) and hence making it impossible to distinguish the employees from the customers to a musical about napkins that spontaneously breaks out in a food court to a 1 minute sequence of carefully choreographed events that loops for 5 minutes inside a Starbucks. Of course, the best part of the spectacles is the reaction of the onlookers--as they slowly adjust to this abrupt and extended undermining of their expectations--the emotions of perplexity, frustration, concern and delight legible on their faces. The performances range from the prankish to the poetic and I am personally more compelled by the ones (like the frozen people in GCT or the Groundhog's Day looping of events inside the Starbucks) that are less committed to the merely comedic than to the strangely beautiful or the metaphysically evocative.
P.S. TO THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE DAY:
I hope that last paragraph added at least a bit of tofu or broccoli to this nutritionally deficient post--perhaps even elevating it from mere snack to the most modest of meals.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
He had simultaneously totally wasted his life and overachieved.
Tags:
None
© All rights reserved.
Posted 28 days ago
(
Permanent Link
)
Read 214 Times
Send to Friend
|
|
|
FIRST
|
PREVIOUS
|
1 - 5 of 160 |
NEXT
|
LAST
|
|
|
|
|
|
|